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by Abigail Van Buren

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Vinny," and I were growing apart after 10 years of marriage. It was both our faults. Vinny reconnected with a woman at his class reunion and started an inappropriate, secret relationship with her.

I discovered some of their emails and saw they had been texting numerous times a day. When I "busted" Vinny, he denied everything until I showed him the proof of what I knew. We have had issues in the past with him not being honest, but this was the straw that broke the camel's back.

We have told our children that we have decided to divorce. It was the most difficult decision I have ever made. We are still living in the same house and haven't told many people what happened.

I don't want anyone thinking I strayed or that I was responsible for this. Would it be inappropriate for me to say why I'm divorcing him? I don't want to take his feelings into consideration after what he did. My neighbors are gossipy -- it's like ... WISTERIA LANE

DEAR WISTERIA LANE: Although you don't want to take Vinny's feelings into consideration, please consider the feelings of your children. The most dignified way to deal with this would be to take the high road and say that the decision to divorce was mutual and keep the details to yourself. Please consider it.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing regarding the letter you printed June 14, about saluting the U.S. flag. You should be aware that the Flag Code that you referenced in your reply was amended by Congress a couple of years ago and includes changes of which all Americans should be made aware.

One of them is that military veterans, as civilians who are no longer in uniform, may choose to salute the flag with the military "hand to the forehead" salute as they did while in the service.

All other persons should face the flag and stand at attention with their right hand over the heart, or if applicable, should remove their headdress with their right hand and hold it at the left shoulder, the hand being over the heart. Citizens of other countries should stand at attention. All conduct toward the flag in a moving column should be rendered at the moment the flag passes. This includes the playing of the national anthem. -- ANDY ANDERSON, KNOXVILLE, TENN.

DEAR ANDY: Thank you and thanks to the many readers who wrote to inform me that my copy of the Flag Code was outdated. I was unaware that it had been amended and used the one that was in my files for reference. Mea culpa!

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have dinner with friends a couple of times a month. The wife likes to kiss and hug me. She even patted me on the behind once. This makes me very uncomfortable.

I enjoy being affectionate with my children, grandchildren and my husband, but I do not like being touched by women. What should I do about this? -- HANDS OFF IN HOLLISTER, CALIF.

DEAR HANDS OFF: For heaven's sake, speak up and tell the woman that you are uncomfortable about being touched by other women. That way she'll know it isn't personal. I'm sure she will respect your boundaries once you explain them to her.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)