DEAR ABBY: How can I forget and forgive my husband for his actions? It has been only a few months since I found out about his affairs -- which lasted over four months with three different women. One was more intense than the others. He says he has broken off all contact with them and is only with me now.
When I learned about the affairs, I had no information other than he was having one. Someone I didn't know told me, so I did not have much to go on. I have asked my husband some questions, but he refuses to answer them. He says I should let it go and move on, that my questions will lead to no good, and if I don't stop I'm going to push him away.
I think about what he has done and different scenarios daily and try to ignore the hurt, but it's hard. Should I ask questions, should he answer them, and will this pain ever go away? We are "trying," and I'm running mostly on love and the hope that our relationship will survive. -- IN PAIN IN PITTSBURGH
DEAR IN PAIN: Of course you should be asking questions because you have the right to know the answers. And if your husband is truly repentant, he should answer them. Your pain will persist unless you both have counseling to understand what triggered his four-month "fling." If he refuses to go, go without him.
Frankly, I am troubled by your statement that your husband is threatening you'll push him away if you pursue the answers you deserve. That doesn't appear to me to be the behavior of a contrite spouse.
�If you haven't already done so, see your physician and be tested for STDs. All of the emotions you're experiencing are normal, but whether your relationship will survive under the present circumstances is debatable.