DEAR ABBY: I am a 34-year-old man, I have been divorced for a couple of years and have no children. I have been dating an incredible woman, "Nikki," who is a bit older than I am. She has three children.
The elephant in the room has always been whether or not Nikki would want more children. We finally discussed it, and she confirmed that she does not. She said she's looking forward to the next phase of her life as her kids get older, which I understand. That conversation has led to a break in our relationship. We haven't spoken for the past two weeks, and it seems like two years.
I am struggling with what to do. I have always wanted to be a dad. Would being a stepdad be as fulfilling for me? Is being in a good relationship more important? Having kids doesn't automatically make things great, right? Could I find someone as wonderful as Nikki, but who wants to have a kid?
Abby, I'm conflicted, and you're the only one I could think of for advice. -- JUMBLED IN NEW HAMPSHIRE
DEAR JUMBLED: Only you can decide whether being a stepfather to Nikki's children would be enough for you. For some men, it would be. For others, it wouldn't be enough. Of course, the primary relationship must be between the husband and wife. Children grow up, leave and establish lives of their own. And you're right, having kids doesn't "automatically" make things great if there is trouble in the relationship.
While there are no guarantees you will find someone as wonderful as Nikki, the odds are very good that you will meet a woman -- or more than one -- whose goals are similar to yours and who would love to have a family with you. But it won't happen until you firmly decide exactly what you want.