DEAR ABBY: I'm a female manager in a male-dominated field, and a high-level corporate executive. I am good at what I do, but sometimes I become impatient with subordinates who don't "get it" like I do. I admit I prefer the company of some over others.
Several years ago, a friendship with a subordinate turned into something more. I was -- and still am -- married with children. During this time I had to discharge another employee for substandard performance. Since he left he has sent me several unsolicited emails in which he has suggested that he knows about the affair I had with his former co-worker and feels he didn't receive fair treatment because of it.
My former lover is no longer with the company, and I have done everything I can to put this behind me. I still worry, however, that the employee I let go may someday make the company aware of my indiscretions, or worse, my family. Abby, is there anything I can do to set the whole thing right? -- THREATENED IN THE NORTHWEST
DEAR THREATENED: Let me get this straight. You say you are good at your job as a manager, but you lose patience with subordinates who don't "get" things as quickly as you do -- and play favorites among the employees in your department. If that's not a hostile work environment, it's at least one that's very unpleasant. And you had an affair with one of them? Didn't you know that you were leaving your company open to a lawsuit for sexual harassment? It appears that when you assumed the title of manager, you exceeded your level of competence.
You have gotten yourself into a jam from which I can't extricate you. Go to your superiors and tell them about the emails so the company can protect itself from a possible lawsuit for wrongful termination. Stop deluding yourself and face the consequences of any indiscretion you have made because you have placed not only yourself, but also your employer, in jeopardy.