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by Abigail Van Buren

DEAR ABBY: My son is single and enjoys vacationing with us every summer. He pays all his expenses.

My married daughter has become jealous. Her financial situation is such that I would have to pay her expenses if she were to vacation with us. We also have a compact SUV, so when our luggage is in the car, there's room for only one other person besides my wife and me.

Am I showing partiality to my son, who does not have a spouse to travel with and is able to pay his own way? Most years I guess we could afford to take my daughter and pay her expenses, but I feel her financial situation is the result of her own poor planning. -- DAD IN DES MOINES

DEAR DAD: I can see how hearing about the enjoyable trips your son shares with you every summer might sting when your daughter hears about them. But does she expect that you include her husband on these trips and pay his way, too? And what about the driving and luggage arrangements if her husband accompanies her? Also, if you invite only her, how would her husband feel about being left behind?

A more practical alternative would be to figure out some other activity you, your daughter and her spouse can enjoy together that doesn't involve travel.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a widow in love with a wonderful man. We have decided to live together for a few months before getting married. Had we done this with our former spouses, we could have avoided marriages that led to divorce.

My mother has always said living together before marriage is a good idea. That was, until I told her my fiance and I plan to. She went ballistic! She said it's OK for others, but not her daughter. Her main concern is what people may think or say to her. I told her to simply say, "It's my daughter's business, and she's old enough to make her own decisions."

I'm upset by Mother's reaction. She seems to think that because she gave me life she has the right to run it. I'm a mature, responsible adult who can make her own life decisions. What do you think? -- SHACKING UP IN SYRACUSE

DEAR SHACKING UP: I think that as a mature, responsible adult, you need to do what is right for you. Your mother comes from a generation when standards were more strait-laced and judgmental than they are today. So remember she loves you, forgive her for "going ballistic" and agree to disagree.

DEAR ABBY: I am madly in love (infatuated?) with my surgeon. I had a bilateral mastectomy and he saved my life. The cancer is gone.

It has been almost a year, and I need to return for a checkup. I haven't stopped thinking about "Dr. Dreamy" this entire year. We are both in our 40s; I'm single, he's single. Would it be unethical if I act on my feelings and let him know? Should I get another doctor? Or do I just go to the appointment and "grin and 'bare' it"? Help! -- "GEORGE" ON MY MIND IN PHOENIX

DEAR "GEORGE" ON YOUR MIND: You have nothing to lose by baring your soul as well as the rest of you at the time of your checkup. However, if there is mutual interest, it would be unethical of Dr. Dreamy to become involved with you while you are his patient.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)