DEAR ABBY: My husband of 27 years has been having chemotherapy for lymphoma off and on for two years. Friends and neighbors call him often. However, not one of them has ever asked me how I'm doing. I understand the awkwardness of emotional conversations, but it deeply disappoints me that people act as though my husband's cancer doesn't affect me.
What's the best way for us to care for each other? We are all so fragile and vulnerable. -- HURTING TOO IN HAWAII
DEAR HURTING TOO: I agree. The answer is for people to realize that life-threatening diseases affect the entire family, not just the patient. In your case, if someone asks how your husband is doing, you should say, "'John' is doing well so far, but his illness has been very stressful for me. Thanks for asking." It may start the conversation you want to have.
However, if it doesn't, you should check out the American Cancer Society's website, www.cancer.org, which lists the location of support groups everywhere. It would be helpful for you emotionally and spiritually to join a group of caregivers who are coping with what you have been experiencing.