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Daughter Abruptly Abandons All Interaction With Family
DEAR ABBY: My eldest daughter, "Judy," who was previously loving, kind and considerate, has for the last year distanced herself from me. I have left messages on her answering machine because she won't answer the phone. I have sent her cards and letters, only to receive no response. We live a short distance of each other, but I haven't seen her in a year.
I am bewildered by this abrupt change in our mother-daughter relationship. I have pleaded for an explanation; there's never any response.
Judy is a well-educated individual, with several degrees and on her way to a master's degree. I know, too, that there has been considerable stress in her life -- but that shouldn't cause her to cut her own mother out of her life. I have had many sleepless nights over this.
I am at my wit's end. I feel she possibly needs help in some way. Judy seems to be angry at the whole world -- me, her siblings, her grandmother, and oftimes her friends are her "enemies." Help! -- SLEEPLESS IN UTAH
DEAR SLEEPLESS: If your daughter had distanced herself only from you, I would guess that she was punishing you -- nursing a grievance she wasn't ready to air. However, because she has suddenly cut herself off from everyone, declaring that they are her enemies, there is indeed cause for concern. She could be suffering from depression or paranoia.
Please don't wait. Go to your daughter so you can see for yourself what is going on with her. She may need medical or psychological intervention.
DEAR ABBY: I have a question that affects just about every household in America sooner or later. What do you do to dispose of unwanted family photographs?
I have albums filled with pictures of parents, siblings, aunts and uncles. I can understand saving a few -- but when you are at the "end of the line," so to speak, and there is no one to pass them along to, what's an appropriate method for disposal? -- DOWNSIZING IN SOUTH JERSEY
DEAR DOWNSIZING: I'm glad you asked. Offer them to your county or state historical society. Those pictures of your relatives could provide interesting snapshots of the time in which they were taken. Your local library might also want them.
DEAR ABBY: My sister and I want a dog, but our mother won't let us have one. When we asked her why not, she said, "Because dogs poop, pee, get things dirty and bark."
We told her, "We will train it, feed it, clean up after it. We'll even pay for it." We really would, but she still says, "NO!"
What should we do to convince our mom to let us get a dog? -- SON AND DAUGHTER IN ALBUQUERQUE
DEAR SON AND DAUGHTER: I can't claim this advice as my own. It was penned by Jeff and Bil Keane, the noted cartoonists. They said, "The best way to get a hamster is to first ask for a pony." That logic might also apply to a puppy.
Twin Boys Don't Share Same Popularity Among Their Peers
DEAR ABBY: I have 10-year-old twin boys. "Frank" is popular with the boys in his class, while "Jake" has only one close friend, "Tommy." When Frank is invited to parties, sleepovers, movies, swimming and play dates, Jake is left out and never invited. Tommy is a great kid, but comes from a family that isn't very social. We invite Tommy to our home, but Jake isn't invited back.
I feel terrible when I see how sad Jake is when his brother is constantly going off to do fun things and he's left at home. We try to keep Jake busy with enjoyable activities when this happens, but it's not the same.
While Frank has a right to have his own friends, sometimes I feel I should say something to the parents about how much their leaving Jake out is hurting his feelings and self-confidence. -- HEARTBROKEN MOM IN MISSOURI
DEAR HEARTBROKEN MOM: I don't recommend saying anything to the parents of Frank's friends because it could backfire. Boys that age pick their own friends, and if Jake was forced on them, no one would be happy about it -- including Jake. Instead, continue inviting Tommy over and explore activities outside of school where Jake can shine in his own right. That will do more for his self-confidence than tagging along with his brother where he really isn't wanted.
DEAR ABBY: My son "Marshall" is 36. He's handsome, has a great job, is a wonderful son and would be a tremendous "catch." The problem is Marshall has no interest in marriage or even dating. He was in a relationship six or seven years ago that ended badly. Since then, he has decided he doesn't want any woman getting close to him. He hasn't been on a date since.
Marshall spends his time hunting, fishing and playing/watching sports with his single and divorced friends. It doesn't help that the divorced friends tell him he's doing the right thing by staying single, and how they wish they had done the same thing.
Every time I raise the subject, he tells me he's happy with his life and doesn't want to change. How do I get through to him? My husband says we should let him do what he wants because it's his life. But I have trouble accepting that my son wants to stay single the rest of his life. Help! -- PROTECTIVE MOM IN OHIO
DEAR MOM: That's understandable. You come from a generation in which marriage was the norm. However, in the decades since you were married there has been a slow (but steady) erosion in the percentage of Americans who think marriage is important.
Your son may have much to offer, but if he isn't interested in closeness, intimacy and partnership, he probably wouldn't be very good at it. So trust him, love him, and don't push him. Marriage, when it's a good one, is wonderful. But it is no longer a must, and more and more people are concluding it isn't for everyone.
DEAR ABBY: You often refer your readers who are troubled to doctors and clergy. Another reference to consider is the Human Resource professionals at their workplace. We offer a variety of programs to assist our employees with financial and family issues. We want healthy and happy employees. -- HELPING HANDS IN CORTE MADERA, CALIF.
DEAR HELPING: With mental health services stressed to the max because of cutbacks, this is certainly a worthwhile option. Thank you for the suggestion.
Man Fears Sock Drawer Mix Up Will Doom Him to Run in Circles
DEAR READERS: It's April 1, the day I get to share some of the occasional letters I receive from folks who are pulling my leg. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: My wife of 23 years is threatening to divorce me on the grounds that I'm "unreasonable." Is it unreasonable for me to attempt to keep my socks oriented to the proper feet? When I put my socks on the wrong feet, I run around in circles and become disoriented. I know women don't have this problem because they wear pantyhose -- so it's impossible to put them on the wrong feet.
I sewed a bit of red yarn on the tops of my right socks so I could keep them straight. My wife says I'm crazy, but I insist, "Right on right; left on left."
So tell me, Abby -- must I run in stupid circles and endure moments of disorientation and embarrassment? Or should I forgo the red yarn and hang in there with my wife to preserve our marriage? -- DISTURBED KENTUCKY MAN
DEAR DISTURBED KENTUCKY MAN: And a happy April Fools' Day to you, too. The red yarn is preferable to the yarn you have spun for me. (It's also preferable to running in circles like a decapitated chicken.) And you're mistaken about women's pantyhose. Ask any woman who has put hers on backward.
DEAR ABBY: I'm concerned about my youngest son, "Sammy." From the moment he gets up each day until the time he retires at night, he spends almost the entire time playing in the sandbox in our backyard.
My wife and I are alarmed by his bizarre behavior, and incidentally, so is his wife. What should we do? -- WORRIED DAD IN GEORGIA
DEAR WORRIED DAD: Be sure to brush him off if he ever runs a marathon to prevent diaper rash.
DEAR ABBY: Lately I've been having some strange dreams. I cannot explain how I come up with this stuff. The other night I had a doozy: whips, chains, whistles, yo-yos, circus midgets, a duck, a Romanian peasant woman, and my grandmother riding by on a bicycle giving me the finger. Please advise. -- CALIFORNIA DREAMIN'
DEAR CALIFORNIA DREAMIN': What a coincidence! I had that very same dream last night. Your grandmother sure gets around.
DEAR ABBY: I hate bothering you because I know you're busy, but I have been getting the runaround from my TV provider. I have asked them repeatedly to send someone over to fix my set, but they keep saying it can be fixed by remote control. I've got a black screen and it just doesn't work. Can you come over to fix it? -- MISSING JERRY SPRINGER IN PITTSBURGH
DEAR MISSING JERRY: I help people solve relationship problems, but the one you're having with your TV set does not qualify. Sorry.
DEAR ABBY: I prefer to sleep facing in; my husband prefers to sleep facing out. My problem is when he's gassy -- which is often -- it puts me "in the line of fire." We've talked about how to deal with this problem, but haven't been able to come up with a solution. Any suggestions? -- GAS TAXED IN NEWARK, DEL.
DEAR GAS TAXED: Yes. Switch sides!