TO MY CHRISTIAN FRIENDS: Happy Easter, everyone!
Young Man With Few Friends Seems Not to Want Any More
DEAR ABBY: I am a nice, charming, likable young man in my mid-20s. I have almost no friends. I rarely see the ones I do have because they don't live in my province. I can count the number of people I consider friends on one hand. I am close with my family, though none of them live close enough to see regularly. I work from home, so there's no one I come in contact with daily except my husband, whom I love dearly.
I know there are things I could do to meet more people and make friends, but I don't really want to. Maintaining friendships feels like more work than it's worth to me. I don't dislike people and I'm certainly not a snob. But when I have a conversation, it feels like I'm trying to be interesting for their sake and I don't really care about them, and I wonder why they seem to care about me.
I'm not bitter or lonely, but I don't think this is normal. Should I accept that this is who I am, or should I worry? -- LONER IN TORONTO
DEAR LONER: Excuse me, but there are contradictions in your letter. If you weren't concerned that there was something to worry about, you wouldn't have written to me. Now it's time for you to talk to a counselor and take a deeper look at what's really going on. My intuition tells me there may be issues you need to address.
DEAR ABBY: I was in a long-term relationship with a man who died recently. After his death I found out he had other girlfriends while he was with me. It turns out he was a con man who used women. I am stunned, sad, hurt, angry and feel like a fool.
When people who knew us as a couple see me, they ask about him. When I say he died, they respond by offering condolences over "my loss." Should I thank them for their kindness and leave it at that, or should I tell them the truth about him so they won't waste time feeling bad about his demise? -- TRICKED IN RICHMOND, VA.
DEAR TRICKED: If it will make you feel better to vent, do it. However, if rehashing the unhappy details would make you feel worse, keep them to yourself.
DEAR ABBY: I have been dealing with an anxiety disorder I thought I had beaten. I hadn't had an attack in years, until I found myself having one recently at the gym. I ran to the dressing room in tears to battle it out, and was practicing breathing deeply when I spotted something shiny in the far corner of the room. I immediately flashed on the "pennies from heaven" letters I have read in your column and, still crying, went to see what it was. As soon as I saw it was a penny, I felt calmer.
Abby, I haven't lost anyone close who might have sent me a penny, but when I picked it up it had the year of my birth on it. I understood then it was intended for me, and my anxiety dissipated.
I'm confused, though. Is this something our guardian angels share amongst themselves, or did an unknown angel take pity on me? -- JENNIFER IN ONTARIO, CANADA
DEAR JENNIFER: The subject of guardian angels is a spiritual one -- and very personal. I believe that some of us have guardian angels right here on Earth watching over us as well as those from above. And if one of them had a spare moment, it wouldn't be atypical to help out someone in a (penny) pinch.
Teenager Is Having a Snit Over How Her Clothes Fit
DEAR ABBY: I have a huge problem. I am 13, and my mom makes me buy clothes a size larger than what I need or want. I wear a size 0 pant and my closet is filled with 2's. Mom likes her clothing loose, but I don't like mine to fit that way. She claims she buys my clothes big so I can "grow into them." But how much am I going to grow at this age?
I don't like the way these clothes fit, and it seems like a waste of money because I like expensive things. Mom bought me tops a year ago that are just beginning to fit me now. She doesn't like shopping very much, and this disagreement makes it harder for both of us. I've tried talking to her. Please help, Abby. -- LOOSE AND BAGGY IN SAN FRANCISCO
DEAR LOOSE AND BAGGY: At age 13 it's entirely within the realm of possibility that you haven't yet achieved full growth. If the tops your mother bought a year ago are just beginning to fit you now, it's because although you may not have grown taller, you are beginning to fill out. That may very well continue to happen with the rest of your figure over the next couple of years -- or sooner.
While you and your mother may never have the same fashion taste, please trust her judgment for now. She has your best interests at heart.
DEAR ABBY: I don't like my 25-year-old daughter's fiance. He never went to college, works a low-paying job and doesn't know how to manage money. He floats through life and doesn't appear to have any goals. I have raised these issues with my daughter in the past, but she didn't want to hear it.
I know I can't choose her husband, and she's free to make her own choices. My problem is, I don't want to plan the wedding. Every time I think about planning it, my heart aches and my stomach sinks. There is no excitement for my daughter. What should I do? Fake it, or level with her about not wanting to be a part of this? -- ANXIOUS AND WORRIED IN THE SOUTH
DEAR ANXIOUS: Your daughter already knows how you feel about her fiance. When parents plan and/or pay for a wedding it is a gift, not a requirement. At 25, your daughter is old enough -- and should be independent enough -- to plan (and pay) for it with her fiance. It will be good practice for what lies ahead after her trip to the altar.
DEAR ABBY: I volunteer with a support group and have fallen for one of the members. I'm certain she doesn't know my feelings. I have respected her right to pursue the support she sought without the complication of romance.
I have been resigned to the fact that an extraordinary woman has simply crossed my path under the wrong circumstances. However, a trusted friend has suggested that special people come only rarely into our lives and that I should consider leaving my role as facilitator to pursue her. I'm now struggling over what to do. I find great satisfaction in my volunteer work, but am drawn to this woman. -- TORN BETWEEN TWO DESIRES
DEAR TORN: If you approach the woman while she's a member of your group, it could be considered a breach of ethics. Therefore it might be better if you wait until she is strong enough to leave the group before you approach her for a personal relationship.
ADULTEROUS DAD'S TV BRIBE DOESN'T OFFER PRETTY PICTURE
DEAR ABBY: My father is a state worker who has "furlough Fridays." My sister, "Dee," went home early from school last Friday because she wasn't feeling well and found him in bed with one of his co-workers. Mom was at work, so apparently Dad thought he was safe. If Mom ever found out, their marriage would be over. Dad is begging Dee not to tell.
Dee and I have been saving for a large HDTV for our bedroom. Dad is now offering to pay for it. He says he'll tell Mom he's helping us because we have been working so hard to save the money. Actually, he'd pay for the whole thing and let us keep our money.
Dee is all for it. She says we can use Dad's affair to get more from him in the future. I'm shocked and disappointed in my father, and while I don't want to see my parents' marriage destroyed, I don't feel right about letting him bribe us. What should I do? -- CALIFORNIA GIRL
DEAR CALIFORNIA GIRL: Your father is a piece of work. That he would attempt to rope his daughters in as co-conspirators shows the extent of his lack of character. And if you didn't realize it, you wouldn't have written to me.
Please do not go along with your sister's plan to accept the payoff. It's extortion. If you keep the secret, there is nothing to prevent your father from continuing his adulterous affairs. As difficult as hearing about this from you may be to your mother, if she should find out what's been going on - - and it ALWAYS comes out - - and realize her daughters were aware of it, her pain will be magnified.
DEAR ABBY: My fiance has a daughter in college. "Kimberly" emails her essays to her father, always saying, "I need you to spell-check, check grammar and fix everything. Then send it back to me."
As a teacher, I have told him this is unethical. His daughter is working for a grade and there are resources available at the university. She has no disability and time is not an issue.
When this happens my blood boils. Am I wrong? Or is it wrong of her to expect Daddy to fix her papers so she can get a good grade? He thinks I'm overreacting. -- NOT FOOLED IN MICHIGAN
DEAR NOT FOOLED: Of course you're not wrong. As well-intended as your fiance may be, by correcting his daughter's assignments he's preventing her from learning skills she will need once she graduates. Warning: If you plan to marry this man, be prepared for a future filled with him solving one problem after another for her, because he's not going to change and neither will she. A college girl being this dependent on Daddy isn't healthy.
DEAR ABBY: How long after you are married can you take a honeymoon? My husband and I dream of going to Venice so we can kiss on the Bridge of Sighs. We've heard if you do that, you'll be in love forever.
We're saving our money, but won't be able to afford to go until after our first anniversary. Is there a rule that a honeymoon must be taken within the first year of marriage? -- LIZA IN ALASKA
DEAR LIZA: There's no such rule that I know of. Because it's your first big trip together as man and wife, call it a "deferred honeymoon" (after all, that's what it is), and you need not apologize for doing so.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)