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by Abigail Van Buren

DEAR ABBY: I have a huge problem. I am 13, and my mom makes me buy clothes a size larger than what I need or want. I wear a size 0 pant and my closet is filled with 2's. Mom likes her clothing loose, but I don't like mine to fit that way. She claims she buys my clothes big so I can "grow into them." But how much am I going to grow at this age?

I don't like the way these clothes fit, and it seems like a waste of money because I like expensive things. Mom bought me tops a year ago that are just beginning to fit me now. She doesn't like shopping very much, and this disagreement makes it harder for both of us. I've tried talking to her. Please help, Abby. -- LOOSE AND BAGGY IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR LOOSE AND BAGGY: At age 13 it's entirely within the realm of possibility that you haven't yet achieved full growth. If the tops your mother bought a year ago are just beginning to fit you now, it's because although you may not have grown taller, you are beginning to fill out. That may very well continue to happen with the rest of your figure over the next couple of years -- or sooner.

While you and your mother may never have the same fashion taste, please trust her judgment for now. She has your best interests at heart.

DEAR ABBY: I don't like my 25-year-old daughter's fiance. He never went to college, works a low-paying job and doesn't know how to manage money. He floats through life and doesn't appear to have any goals. I have raised these issues with my daughter in the past, but she didn't want to hear it.

I know I can't choose her husband, and she's free to make her own choices. My problem is, I don't want to plan the wedding. Every time I think about planning it, my heart aches and my stomach sinks. There is no excitement for my daughter. What should I do? Fake it, or level with her about not wanting to be a part of this? -- ANXIOUS AND WORRIED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR ANXIOUS: Your daughter already knows how you feel about her fiance. When parents plan and/or pay for a wedding it is a gift, not a requirement. At 25, your daughter is old enough -- and should be independent enough -- to plan (and pay) for it with her fiance. It will be good practice for what lies ahead after her trip to the altar.

DEAR ABBY: I volunteer with a support group and have fallen for one of the members. I'm certain she doesn't know my feelings. I have respected her right to pursue the support she sought without the complication of romance.

I have been resigned to the fact that an extraordinary woman has simply crossed my path under the wrong circumstances. However, a trusted friend has suggested that special people come only rarely into our lives and that I should consider leaving my role as facilitator to pursue her. I'm now struggling over what to do. I find great satisfaction in my volunteer work, but am drawn to this woman. -- TORN BETWEEN TWO DESIRES

DEAR TORN: If you approach the woman while she's a member of your group, it could be considered a breach of ethics. Therefore it might be better if you wait until she is strong enough to leave the group before you approach her for a personal relationship.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)