DEAR ABBY: I work in a dental office. My boss (the doctor) and his assistant have a problem keeping their pants up. Every time either of them reaches for something or, God forbid, bends over -- they flash their backsides. It's just bad, and both of them are pretty good-sized men.
My boss is the kindest, most generous person I know. But frankly, this is an embarrassment for patients and co-workers alike. Something has to be done. Any suggestions to help us with this problem would be greatly appreciated. -- EMBARRASSED FOR EVERYONE, TOWANDA, PA.
DEAR EMBARRASSED: The doctor and his assistant may be unaware of the show to which they are treating everyone. You say this is not only embarrassing for the employees but also the patients. Have any of them complained about it to you? If so, you have your opening to transmit that message to Dr. Derriere.
DEAR ABBY: I have been with my boyfriend, "Gil," for three years. We bought a house together six months ago. Prior to that, we had a discussion about the future. Gil told me he wanted to get married and have kids.
I expected a marriage proposal over the holidays. When it didn't happen, I asked him what he was waiting for. His response broke my heart. He said he no longer wants to get married. Gil says he loves me, I'm his "best friend," he is willing to move forward and have children -- but not get married.
I'm not sure how I feel about his arrangement. I am depressed and don't know what to do. For me, Gil is "The One" - - the love of my life. I feel like a failure and a fool for allowing myself to get into this situation. Please help me. -- WEDDING BELL BLUES IN MASSACHUSETTS
DEAR WEDDING BELL BLUES: I don't blame you for feeling depressed and confused. The person you thought was The One led you on and convinced you to make a major investment under false pretenses. You should not have children with him under these circumstances. Before this goes any further and you feel even worse about yourself, I'm advising you to consult a lawyer about extricating yourself from this bad business deal. You're not the failure. He is.
DEAR ABBY: I played matchmaker for a girlfriend and introduced her to a buddy of mine from work. Two years later, he was arrested for molesting her children, and I just found out he'd had a record for this! She is no longer speaking to me. What do I do? -- REGRETFUL IN OREGON
DEAR REGRETFUL: All you can do is apologize -- which I presume you have already done. Although you were well-intended when you made the introduction, it implied that you were giving him your endorsement. However, you should not have been expected to have done a background check on him -- that was your friend's responsibility as the mother of young children. And she may be madder at herself for not doing so than she is at you.
DEAR READERS: This Friday, April 22, is Earth Day. It offers all of us a chance to do something positive for the planet. Many parents use it as an opportunity to bond with their children by sharing in a project, and some schools offer credit to students who participate (hint, hint). So check your local newspapers and go online to find ways you can help in your community.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)