DEAR ABBY: I am a 25-year-old gay man who has been in a relationship for two years with a guy who just turned 30. My problem is he has not yet told his family about me.
He has been around my family, and they view him as part of the family. I want the same with his parents and sibling. I think he should have told them by now.
Is it OK to give him an ultimatum to either tell his family or I'll leave? I don't want to be a secret anymore, and I don't know how to handle this. -- OUT AND PROUD IN BALTIMORE
DEAR OUT AND PROUD: It appears your boyfriend has not yet come out to his family -- or if he did, it didn't go well. Although your family accepts him and the fact that you are a couple, the same may not be possible with his. Your boyfriend may need counseling in order to gain the strength to level with his parents and sibling. Because you are no longer willing to be kept under wraps, you do need to make that clear to him. But do not give him an ultimatum unless you are prepared to follow through.
DEAR ABBY: My unmarried sister passed away unexpectedly two years ago. My brother, other sister and I had a difficult time locating her personal accounts and bills because she did everything online. This prompted me to begin writing down all my passwords for my computer and storing the list in a secure location. I have asked my husband of 29 years to do the same, but he refuses.
My husband has given me the information on our joint financial accounts, but insists that his email account is private.
I told him he doesn't have to give me the password. I just want him to write it down in the event something happens. I told him I have nothing to hide, but does he? He got angry, and we are barely speaking now.
Five years ago, I found out he was trading questionable emails with a divorced cocktail waitress, and now I'm concerned. He frequents bars after work, and I can't help but worry. Should I drop it or ask him what he's hiding? -- NOTHING TO HIDE IN OHIO
DEAR NOTHING TO HIDE: Folks who are secretive usually have something to hide. Your husband's past behavior coupled with his refusal to let you have the password to his email account indicates that he's not proud of what you would find. If you're willing to accept the status quo, drop the subject. However, if you assert yourself and pursue this, the first person you should talk to is your lawyer because you may need one.
DEAR ABBY: My mother was recently invited to a shower and was given specific instructions not to put her name on the gift. The reason? The honoree plans to issue one general thank-you to everyone because she "doesn't have the time" to send individual thank-you notes.
Abby, if someone takes the time and spends the money to buy a gift, shouldn't the recipient be gracious enough to write a personal note? -- THOUGHT I'D HEARD IT ALL IN OHIO
DEAR THOUGHT: Of course she should! If the honoree is so busy that she plans to forgo thanking her guests for their generosity, she should save everyone's time, money and effort and forgo the shower.
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