DEAR ABBY: I am the mother of a beautiful daughter who has never met her real father. I wasn't sure about who he was, a fact I'm not proud of. I tried to convince myself that her dad was the one guy I really liked at the time, but as she has grown older, many of her mannerisms and little habits reflect characteristics of the other guy ("Bobby") who was also in my life then. I parted ways with both men while I was pregnant.
I am currently married, although we are struggling. I am now questioning whether I should try to locate Bobby to see if he is the father. I don't expect anything from him, but I would like a resolution. This could strain my relationship with my husband, but if Bobby is the father, I strongly feel he has a right to know. Please help me figure out what to do. -- UNSURE IN ILLINOIS
DEAR UNSURE: Because you are willing to risk straining the relationship you have with your current husband, explain to him that you need to be sure of the identity of your daughter's father because the man's medical history could one day be important for her to have. It's the truth.
Then contact both men you were seeing at the time of her conception, explain the situation, and request a DNA test. If you let them know that you don't expect anything from them but their medical history, they may be willing to comply -- and you'll have your answer.