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by Abigail Van Buren

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I moved into our first home two years ago. A few months after that, our lives got even better with the addition of our son.

After living here for a while, we noticed that the neighbors behind us have a large window in their shower, and they tend to take a lot of nighttime showers. (I'm sure you can see where this is heading.) For a long time, we chose to ignore it, but my motherly instincts are getting the better of me now. I can't help thinking of the day when my son is old enough to realize what he's seeing.

My husband and I have been debating whether to tell our neighbors we can see them showering. Sometimes they get pretty carried away in there. Should I tell them we can see everything? And if so, how do I go about it without causing them to be embarrassed, ashamed or angry? -- GETTING AN EYEFUL IN OHIO

DEAR GETTING AN EYEFUL: Another shower letter! Write your neighbors a polite note telling them there is a clear view into their shower when their lights are on at night. Explain that before your son was born this was not of concern to you, but now that you have a small child, you would appreciate it if they would work with you on a solution to this problem. They may not be aware they've been putting on an X-rated show.

DEAR ABBY: I have worked in the same office for more than a decade. Last year I returned to school in an effort to finally get into a field where I can earn more money. I will graduate next spring and, hopefully, will begin a new career.

I need your advice about how to approach my boss when the time comes. This is a very small office and, while I wouldn't call us friends, we probably have a closer relationship than most people in a larger office would have. Any thoughts on the best way to approach this? -- GIVING NOTICE ON THE EAST COAST

DEAR GIVING NOTICE: Because you have been in school for the length of time you have, your announcement will probably not come as much of a surprise to your employer. However, before you give notice, be sure you have another job in place. When you do speak to your employer, thank him or her for your job. Explain that you are ready to start in your new field and offer to spend a few weeks training your replacement to make any transition easier.

DEAR ABBY: My husband recently had major surgery. I wanted to call a few close friends and family members beforehand to let them know. When I told my husband, we had an argument. He felt they would feel obligated to respond. I felt it would be nice for both of us to have support and that they would want to know. As it turned out, I made some calls and we did receive some much-needed support. Was I wrong to do this? (My husband wants your opinion on the matter.) -- GRATEFUL FOR HELPING HANDS IN COLORADO

DEAR GRATEFUL: The prospect of major surgery can be frightening -- both for the patient and the spouse. Your husband may have preferred to downplay it because he was afraid broadcasting it was displaying weakness. You obviously found the prospect traumatic and didn't want to be alone at that time. Was it wrong to ask for help? I don't think so. My advice to your husband is to lighten up and get well soon.

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