DEAR ABBY: I recently found out that my boyfriend of three years -- the only man I have ever been with -- cheated on me with a woman I thought was a good friend. I love him and have decided to take him back and fight for what we had. He assured me that he wants to be only with me, that what he did was "stupid" and he has learned his lesson.
Abby, although I have forgiven him, I can't bring myself to forgive her. I have never been someone who holds a grudge, but I have so much hate for her that it scares me. I did get professional help, but it didn't work.
I don't want to be like this. This is not who I am. I'm worried about how I might react when I see her. I can't avoid her since we work in the same industry. Why can I forgive him but not her? -- MOVING FORWARD IN TEXAS
DEAR MOVING FORWARD: Probably because having invested three years in the "only man you have ever been with," you don't want it to have been for nothing -- so you're directing the anger you still feel toward him at the woman you would like to imagine seduced him. (Remember, it takes two to tango.) Also, you may still regard her as a threat.
While you may have forgiven your boyfriend, do not forget what happened. A man who cheats and blames it on "stupidity" may do it again with someone else. You need to understand why he did what he did. Is he someone who lives only in the moment? Did he not consider how it would affect you? Is he capable of fidelity in the long run? From my perspective, you need answers to these questions because you may only now be getting to know who he really is.