DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Frank," and I have been together for four months. I'm 21 and he's 31. He was married before. This is my first serious relationship.
Sometimes we get into heated arguments because he's ready to "plan for the future" while I just want to go with the flow. He thinks I don't take our relationship seriously because I'm not ready to move in with him, get married or start a family yet. When I explain that I would love for all of that to happen -- eventually -- Frank says it seems more like a friendship than a relationship. That really hurts me, because I'm trying.
These arguments over my lack of "seriousness" are killing me. They started two months into the relationship. I feel pressured. If the pressure continues, I'm feeling like we may not be able to be together. I need your advice, please. -- DOING THE BEST I CAN IN BOSTON
DEAR DOING THE BEST YOU CAN: You are a smart young woman with excellent instincts. Trust them. You feel pressured because you are being pressured. In fact, you're being given the full-court press.
Pushing for a quick involvement/commitment is one of the warning signs of an abuser. Ask yourself, What's the rush? Find out the reasons why his marriage failed. Stand your ground and don't allow yourself to be pushed into anything you are not completely comfortable with. And if it persists, end the relationship.