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by Abigail Van Buren

Young Teen Fearful of Future Has Lots of Time on Her Side

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my husband for more than 10 years. It has been rocky over the past few years, and I recently had an affair with a married man. I have fallen madly in love with him, and every night I dream about being with him instead of with my husband. We're both in unhappy marriages and both have children.

He's worried that if he gets divorced he won't be able to see his kids as often as he wants. Should I forget him and try to fall back in love with my husband?

Everyone I talk to about this says my lover has been what I needed to recognize that I wasn't happy in my marriage and that I deserve better. I know I deserve better because I worshipped the ground my husband walked on for many years and got treated like crud. What do I do? -- DOWNTRODDEN WIFE IN OKLAHOMA.

DEAR DOWNTRODDEN: Since you're collecting advice, I don't mind throwing in my two-cents' worth.

Your lover doesn't appear eager to leave his family, so do the best thing for both of you and end the affair. As to whether you should try to fall back in love with a man who "treated you like crud," sometimes divorce can be therapeutic. And from the description you gave me of your marriage, you could benefit from seeking one and swearing off men for a while.