DEAR VETERANS: I salute you for your service to this country. My thanks to each of you, as well as to the brave and dedicated men and women who are still on active duty. You are the personification of patriotism and self-sacrifice for your dedication to this country. -- ABBY
VACATION CARETAKER LEAVES HER NEIGHBORS' HOME OPEN TO THEFT
DEAR ABBY: Before we went on vacation, we trusted our 15-year-old neighbor "Mia" to feed our cat, take in the mail and water the plants. While we were away, she invited some of her friends and their friends to our home. Some of them she knew by their nicknames and only for a short time.
When Mia's parents learned about the party, they forbade her to go. However, she failed to mention she had left our door unlocked for strangers to enter. It was obvious when we returned that people had been there because things were out of place and garbage was left behind. We're missing about $100 worth of beer and liquor, $50 in change and $150 in old coins. Mia claims she doesn't know who was there, and her friends aren't being honest.
I'd like to get the police involved. Mia, her parents and my husband think I'm "unfair" for wanting to involve the police. I believe a crime has been committed and don't understand why I'm being treated like the bad guy when I'm the victim. The police have told me Mia would not get into trouble as long as she cooperates. Am I overreacting? -- VIOLATED NEIGHBOR IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR VIOLATED: I don't think so. The party animals who invaded your home are guilty of trespassing and theft. You should be compensated for anything that was taken and those responsible held accountable. Now that the "kids" have seen where everything of value in your house is located, you could be further victimized. You did the right thing in informing the police.
DEAR ABBY: I am recently widowed. Men I work with and the husbands of some of my friends have been hitting on me. They'll ask me out for a meal, give me big hugs -- and a couple of them have even kissed me on the mouth.
I don't lead them on, and besides, I'm a chubby great-grandmother. What drives men to do this? Do they think they're "consoling" me? When these things happen, I act as if they never did and go on as usual because to do otherwise would be hurtful to their wives, who are my friends. These men don't frighten me, but I don't understand their motivation. Do you? -- GRANNY IN HER 70s
DEAR GRANNY: There isn't a blanket explanation for the behavior you have described. Some of your friends' husbands may be trying to console you; others may have lecherous intentions. As to your male co-workers, big hugs and kisses are a no-no in the workplace and you should tell them so.
If these incidents happen repeatedly with the same people, you will have to speak up and say they're making you uncomfortable. And as to your friends' husbands, try this: Stiff-arm them when you greet them with a sweet smile, then turn your cheek when you see them coming at you.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are not religious. We believe that people are entitled to their own beliefs. My problem lies with my brother-in-law and his wife. They are two of the most judgmental, sanctimonious people I have ever known. They "hate" (their word) Mormons, Catholics, etc. How would you suggest I respond to their criticism of our "lack" of Christianity and their offers to pray for us? -- BITING MY TONGUE IN GREAT FALLS, MONT.
DEAR BITING YOUR TONGUE: If your relatives are an example of people who practice Christianity, heaven help the rest of us. If you must interact with them, practice selective deafness, and when they spout hatred, excuse yourselves.
STING OF SUDDEN DISINHERITANCE LEAVES GRANDCHILD FEELING HURT
DEAR ABBY: I am in a happy and healthy long-term relationship. Since neither of us wants kids, we don't feel the need to marry. Because I don't want children, my grandmother has decided I don't deserve any inheritance. She has rewritten her will, leaving everything to my younger cousin who is the only grandchild likely to have children.
It makes me feel awful, as though I am not worthy in her eyes because of my choice. It isn't about the money, Abby. My feelings are hurt because my grandmother can't accept me without a child.
Is there a way to broach the subject without sounding like I'm just after her money? -- DISINHERITED GRANDCHILD IN COLORADO
DEAR DISINHERITED: How do you know you have been written out of your grandmother's will? Did she tell you or did you hear it from someone else?
It would not be confrontational to tell your grandmother you were hurt when you heard the news because it made you feel "less than." The decision whether or not to have a child is a personal one, and couples who don't want to be parents are likely to make less than wonderful ones.
Your grandmother may or may not have changed her will because of your choice, but it's also possible that she would like her assets to be passed down to grandchildren and beyond. You'll never know unless you ask.
DEAR ABBY: What does someone who is an older adult do when she needs to be held and listened to, and when she has no one to do this with her?
I'm sure I'm not the only woman who has found herself in this situation. What do others do when this is needed? Sometimes I just need to be held, listened to and reassured. -- IOWA READER
DEAR READER: The need for human contact is part of the human condition, and I can tell you what I did before I met my husband: When I was feeling down, I'd ask a friend for a hug, a willing ear and some reassurance. I can't imagine anyone refusing. At some point everyone needs what you're asking for.
Other ways to combat the blues include staying occupied with hobbies that interest you, socializing with friends and getting regular exercise. If readers would like to chime in and share what they do, I'll be glad to pass along their suggestions.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I stopped at a rest stop to use the facilities. I noticed a man with a little girl who appeared to be about 3 years old go into the men's bathroom. I wanted to ask if he would like me to take the child into the women's bathroom while he waited outside the door for me to return her to him, however I hesitated and didn't do it.
When my husband came back to the car I asked him what the child encountered in the men's bathroom. He said she had to pass by the urinals with the men urinating. I felt terrible for not speaking up.
Would it have been wrong to volunteer to take the little girl into the women's bathroom? Perhaps I'm too sensitive to matters like this, but I haven't seen it addressed anywhere. -- CONCERNED IN FLORIDA
DEAR CONCERNED: What the child encountered when her father took her into the men's bathroom was probably a line of men with their backs to her, and I assume he took her into the stall toilet. However, it would have been kind of you to volunteer, and probably very much appreciated.
DEAR ABBY: My son invited two friends to our home for the weekend. We had never met them before, but they seemed nice.
At bedtime, the young man was on the couch and the girl was in our spare bedroom. In the middle of the night, I was awakened to loud lovemaking noises. They grew louder and louder, and the headboard was banging against our bedroom wall. My husband and I were mortified. Finally, I banged on the wall and it stopped. We couldn't believe these kids would act that way in someone's home.
They left before breakfast, so we didn't have to face them in the morning. What was proper here? Would it have been appropriate to knock on the bedroom door and ask the guy -- or both of them -- to leave?
I told my son about it the next day. He was embarrassed and apologized for his friends. What should we do if this ever happens again? -- RED-FACED IN MICHIGAN
DEAR RED-FACED: Unless you first required your son's friends to sign an abstinence pledge before bedding down at your place, you were right not to have evicted them before morning. Next time, keep this from happening by having your son tip them off at bedtime that you're light sleepers and prefer not to be awakened by "nocturnal whoopee."
DEAR ABBY: When I'm reading a book, my husband chooses that moment to begin a conversation. If I don't immediately put it down and give him my full attention, he gets upset and says I'm being rude to continue reading and not talk to him.
I think it's rude of him to interrupt me when I'm reading. These aren't important conversations or even questions he needs immediate answers to. They are conversations we could easily share over dinner, or later when I'm not reading.
I love to read, but as a busy mom I rarely have the time. Being interrupted during those rare moments drives me crazy and makes me feel even crazier when I'm accused of being rude if I don't want to chat right then. Who's right and who's rude? -- TRYING TO FINISH MY BOOK
DEAR TRYING TO FINISH: Frankly, I think your husband is right. He may not need the answer to his question as much as he needs your companionship at the time he's reaching out. If finishing a chapter is so important that you can't take a few minutes and talk with him, then suggest that in 15 to 20 minutes you can give him the rest of the evening to talk. If my husband is involved in a project, or I am, that's what we do, and it works for us.
DEAR ABBY: How do you handle a relative who seems to think your house is her own personal garage sale site? She rifles through my closets, brings out clothing, and then asks, "What can I pay you for this?" She also looks around our garage for items that are being stored and asks the same question.
She would never act this way at a friend's home, but somehow it's different with me. By the way, she's my sister. -- NO SALE IN AUSTIN
DEAR NO SALE: Because it's your sister and not some nervy acquaintance, be light-handed in your response. Smile and say, "I'm not ready to let it go, but when I am, you'll be the first to know." Then get her out of your closet or garage and direct the conversation elsewhere.