DEAR ABBY: Our three grandchildren have come to live with us because their mother got mixed up with drugs and their father died. The middle boy, "Clay," is such a picky eater, it borders on an eating disorder. He is 11, weighs 60 pounds and is skeletal to look at. He is the smallest child in his grade. He will eat chicken, potatoes, rice, some cereal and peanut butter sandwiches. One day he will like something, the next he won't. We have caught him making himself vomit after we have insisted he eat something.
We have tried not making a big issue about it, saving his plate for the next meal, making him sit at the table until he has eaten everything and had him see a psychologist for a year. Clay is a sweet, engaging child who has convinced two psychologists there is nothing wrong.
We know this is the way he has some control over his life, but we are fearful for his health and happiness. We have tried counseling in this community of limited mental health resources. Any suggestions? -- IN A FOOD FIGHT IN ARKANSAS
DEAR IN A FOOD FIGHT: Yes. Stop turning mealtime into a battleground. Take Clay back to his pediatrician and find out whether or not his physical development falls into the range of normal. Explain that the boy is living on protein, starches and carbs and ask what supplemental vitamins he should take for his health.
So far, all you have accomplished has been to make your grandson associate mealtime with punishment, and that isn't conducive to anyone's health and happiness -- not his and not yours. If the doctor says Clay is developing normally, then accept it, as well as the advice of the two psychologists. If he isn't, consult an expert in eating disorders.