DEAR ABBY: Our dearest friends' marriage fell apart four years ago. No one had a clue they were having problems, and we were devastated. We were like family and did everything together. Our oldest children grew up as "siblings" and still remain the closest of friends. "Dorothy" remains deeply in love with "Dan."
Dan has just announced he's being remarried. We have remained close to Dorothy (we're still neighbors), but we are also friendly with Dan. Dorothy doesn't know we're on good terms with her ex, nor is she aware that he has invited us to his wedding.
Dan was never mean to her; he gave her everything in the divorce and continues to be a devoted father to their children. An added note: His children appear to like the new woman in their father's life.
Dorothy just heard about the wedding and doesn't think any of her friends should go. We love them both and feel torn. Dorothy is in counseling and I'm hoping it will help her move on.
I don't want to hurt my friend, but I also want to be supportive of Dan. Do you think we should attend? -- CONFLICTED IN NEW YORK
DEAR CONFLICTED: When Dorothy's children attend their father's wedding, it will be only a short time before Dorothy finds out who was there. While your reason for wanting to attend is perfectly logical, Dorothy isn't thinking rationally and will probably feel abandoned all over again.
If you're willing to put up with the drama that's sure to follow, attend the wedding -- and here's how the rest of the scenario will play out: You will continue to be friendly with Dan and his new wife and socialize with them -- and Dorothy will cut herself off and feel even more isolated, alone and angry. You have described someone who needs the counseling she's receiving, and I sincerely hope it works for her.
DEAR ABBY: Every weekend when I do laundry -- a chore I hate -- my husband has left paper, coins, cigarette lighters, etc. in the pockets of his clothing. Sometimes the items end up getting destroyed in the washing machine. Then he gets upset with me because more than once important papers have been ruined.
He says that since I'm doing the laundry I should check the pockets and remove all items before washing the clothes. I say that because I take the time to do the laundry, he should remove the items himself. Abby, who is right? -- POCKETS FULL OF TROUBLE
DEAR POCKETS: You're both right. He should check his pockets before putting his clothes into the hamper, and you should make sure there's nothing in them before putting them into the machine. And because marriage is a partnership, how about sharing the chore of doing the laundry by alternating each week (or month)?
DEAR ABBY: Could you settle a driving disagreement I'm having with my girlfriend? When you are in traffic behind someone who has stopped and is turning left, should you also put on your turn signal to let the drivers behind you know someone is turning? I say no because you are not the one who is turning. My girlfriend says yes, so people know why the traffic has stopped. -- NOT THE ONE TURNING
DEAR NOT THE ONE: Your girlfriend is well-meaning, but mistaken. You should use your turn indicator when you are making a left turn. It is not up to you -- or your girlfriend -- to let people know why someone up ahead has stopped, nor are you expected to.
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