DEAR ABBY: My father passed away six weeks ago. He and Mom were married 42 years. After his death, because my living situation was unhealthy, I moved back home with Mom.
Three weeks ago she began seeing an old boyfriend she had before she married Dad. I am the first to meet "Warren." Mom is keeping him a secret from my three siblings.
Warren has visited the house a few times during the day. He recently came for dinner and spent the night on the sofa in the living room. I was hurt and shocked by it. She could have at least told me he'd be staying.
I want to talk to her about this, but I don't know how. I want her to be happy, but Warren's here all the time now. Isn't it a little too soon? I miss my father. Mom hasn't considered my feelings or asked how I feel about this. I realize it's her house and she's an adult, but I can't help feeling disappointed and disrespected. -- STILL MOURNING IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR STILL MOURNING: Talk to your mother as one adult to another. Tell her you were shocked when Warren spent the night, and that his being there "all the time" seems rushed so soon after your father's death. Tell her, too, that you feel that hiding him from your siblings is a mistake.
Then hear her out. This isn't about you. Your mother is an adult. She and Warren have some shared history, so it's not as if he's a complete stranger out of nowhere. While I agree that she would be wise to take things more slowly, this isn't our decision to make.
Sooner or later you may have to make some living arrangements of your own, so you can both move on with your lives. Start thinking about it now.