TO MY MUSLIM READERS: It's time for the breaking of the Ramadan fast. Happy Eid al-Fitr, everyone. May God make yours a blessed feast.
Singles Live Alone in Safety With Aid of Simple Deception
DEAR ABBY: "Cautious Bachelorette" (July 16) asked you how she should respond to a workman who asks if she lives alone. Having worked 30 years in a maximum security prison, I can assure your readers that criminals gravitate toward jobs that provide access to people's homes as a way of scouting victims, so "Bachelorette's" concern is well-founded.
I advise single women to keep a few articles of men's clothing, such as a jacket, work boots and other items, visible in their homes. They can be purchased inexpensively at a yard sale or local thrift shop. When a stranger is invited into her home, she can simply pick up one of the articles stating, "Here, let me get John's coat out of your way." It does provide a very real deterrent to criminals or others looking for a single woman to victimize. -- RONALD A., WASHINGTON STATE DEPARTMENT OF CORRECTIONS (RETIRED)
DEAR RONALD: My readers agreed that setting the stage (with an invisible housemate) is an effective way to give the impression to outsiders that you do not live alone. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: Take a suggestion from a senior citizen who has lived alone for many years -- and it applies not only to females, but also to males of any age. Singles should purchase articles of the opposite sex and display them prominently in their homes so they can be seen by any stranger who comes into their homes. That way, the question, "Do you live alone?" doesn't come up. -- SAFE SENIOR CITIZEN IN THE SOUTH
DEAR ABBY: I would recommend "Cautious Bachelorette" purchase a male beta fish. They take very little time and energy to care for. Name him Fred, or some other masculine name. That way, when she's asked if she lives alone, she can honestly say, "No. Fred lives with me." If people inquire deeper, she can say that they have a close one-on-one relationship, and he is very dependable. She could even add that he is a professional swimmer without fibbing. That way she will be able to have a truthful reply for any who ask. -- FRED'S HOUSEMATE
DEAR ABBY: I live alone and I keep a men's magazine on my coffee table, a second set of towels in my bathroom and even went to the thrift store and bought a bathrobe that hangs on a hook behind the bathroom door. Also, my table is always set for two, and I always speak in terms of "we" whenever I have a stranger in my home. -- SINGLE BUT CAUTIOUS IN PLANO, TEXAS
DEAR ABBY: Here's how I give the illusion of not living alone. I have two deck chairs set out and often leave things outside like a shovel, my brother's flip-flops, or I toss a baseball cap onto the porch swing. -- LONGTIME READER IN EL CERRITO, CALIF.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I were married 24 years, but the last several years were extremely difficult. We have separated, but have not filed the paperwork yet. I would like to begin moving forward with my life. It has been six months and there will be no reconciliation.
Recently, someone who knows my circumstances asked me out on a date. Would it be inappropriate for me to go, or to date in general? -- DATING DILEMMA IN NEW HAMPSHIRE
DEAR DATING DILEMMA: If you are truly ready to move forward with your life, file the paperwork first. Even divorces that start amicably can become messy to some degree. Filing the paperwork first will make it less so.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 46-year-old man who has been divorced for six months. I recently moved down to South Florida for a new job. I am trying out the dating scene, but it has been difficult because I was married for 10 years.
Abby, it's hard to find decent, intelligent women down here. All the women I have dated so far have had breast implants. These not only look strange, but also feel uncomfortable during intimate moments. These women get a lot of looks from other men who gawk at their chests when we're together.
Would it be wrong of me to ask a woman, say within the first few dates, if her breasts are real? I don't care if they're big or small, I just want them real. -- NEEDS A REAL WOMAN IN FLORIDA
DEAR NEEDS A REAL WOMAN: I do not recommend asking women you have just met if their breasts are "real." It could lead to a punch in the nose. I am recommending you visit some dating sites and, in the area where you are asked to list "interests," you state "intelligent women who have not had plastic surgery." I'm sure you'll find many. Of course, whether you have what they're looking for remains to be seen.
P.S. One final thought: If a boob job (forgive the vernacular) has been successful, it is difficult if not impossible to detect. I have this on good authority.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for two months and together for two years. While we were dating, I learned that "Mario" cheated on me during our first year of dating. When I confronted him, he told me he didn't know why, but that he loved me with all his heart. A few months later, he asked me to marry him and I accepted.
A few days ago I discovered that not only did he cheat on me with several women, but also with several men. Mario says he didn't know how to tell me about his past because it was "disgusting" to him so he blocked it out of his mind.
Had he told me all this before we married, I would not have gone through with it. I am now totally confused about his sexuality. Mario says it was "just a phase" -- it was in the past. He says he's a changed man and he wants to be with me. I don't know what to believe anymore because all he does is lie to me. Please help me. -- BROKENHEARTED AND CONFUSED IN TEXAS
DEAR BROKENHEARTED: The first thing you need to do is get checked for STDs and HIV, because you may have been exposed to some of them during the "phase" your husband "blocked out of his mind." Whether Mario admits it or not, he is bisexual. Next, go online to � HYPERLINK "http://www.StraightSpouse.org" ��www.StraightSpouse.org� and you will find the help and support you are looking for.
Because you can't trust your husband to be honest, you will have to take care of yourself now. Please don't put it off because your emotional and physical health could depend upon it. On the plus side, be thankful there are not children involved. A man who always lies isn't just a poor husband; he would make an even worse role model.
TO MY JEWISH READERS: At sundown, Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, starts, the beginning of our time of solemn introspection. "Leshana tova tikatevu" -- may each of you be inscribed in the Book of Life and have a good year.
Friend Is in the Doghouse for Usurping Daughter's Name
DEAR ABBY: My best friend of 30 years, "Andrea," and her husband decided not to have children. They are happy with their dogs and cats.
She recently adopted a 10-year-old rescue dog and changed the dog's name to "Monique." Abby, Monique is my daughter's name! When I asked Andrea why she changed the dog's name, she said it is because no one in her family has that name. I am hurt that she would name her dog after my daughter, her godchild -- so much so that I no longer wish to speak to this woman. How do I get past this? -- MONIQUE'S MOM IN COLORADO
DEAR M.M.: I understand your feelings, but I hate to see a friendship of 30 years go down in flames because of one (albeit huge) lapse of judgment on Andrea's part. It appears she just loved the name. Avoid having your daughter and her dog in the same room at the same time, and you'll spare both of them from confusion. And remember, your Monique will have the name much longer than the dog will. This, too, shall pass.
DEAR ABBY: I have an old friend, "Erika," who, when we were working together, was my superior. My problem is Erika will, from time to time, ask me questions seeming not to know anything about the subject. However, as I begin explaining whatever it is, she'll then say something that indicates she really is well-versed in the matter and knows more about it than I do.
I end up feeling blindsided, stupid, and like I have been set up. Why does she do this? And how can I avoid falling into this trap? Erika seems so sincere when she asks a question. -- FALLING FOR IT IN DECATUR, ILL.
DEAR FALLING FOR IT: She may do it as a form of one-upmanship -- or "asking questions" may be her way of making conversation. Because it makes you uncomfortable, ask her why she does it and, while you're at it, tell her how it makes you feel. If Erika cares about your feelings, she'll stop trying to one-up you. And if she doesn't, accept that you will either have to keep your guard up when you're with her, or limit the time you spend with her.
DEAR ABBY: I don't cry at funerals. I am a Christian with a deep conviction that the deceased is in a better place.
I have been criticized for not crying. My sister-in-law chided me about it at my father-in-law's funeral. He had been sick and in constant pain for 15 years and died in his 70s. I didn't cry because he had lived a long and happy life, and had been finally released from chronic pain.
How do I answer these criticisms? I have given the reasons I have given you, but no one wants to accept that response. I'm tired of being told how I "should" show emotion at a funeral. Is what I feel or show really anyone's business but my own? -- STOIC IN COLUMBUS, OHIO
DEAR STOIC: No, it's not. And furthermore, funerals can be such wrenching events that sometimes emotions become mixed up and mourners -- rather than crying -- have been known to break into giggles and laughter. Because few people who have suffered a significant loss are at their best while they are grieving, please try to forgive these presumptuous individuals for their comments.
Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)