TO MY JEWISH READERS: At sundown, Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, starts, the beginning of our time of solemn introspection. "Leshana tova tikatevu" -- may each of you be inscribed in the Book of Life and have a good year.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 46-year-old man who has been divorced for six months. I recently moved down to South Florida for a new job. I am trying out the dating scene, but it has been difficult because I was married for 10 years.
Abby, it's hard to find decent, intelligent women down here. All the women I have dated so far have had breast implants. These not only look strange, but also feel uncomfortable during intimate moments. These women get a lot of looks from other men who gawk at their chests when we're together.
Would it be wrong of me to ask a woman, say within the first few dates, if her breasts are real? I don't care if they're big or small, I just want them real. -- NEEDS A REAL WOMAN IN FLORIDA
DEAR NEEDS A REAL WOMAN: I do not recommend asking women you have just met if their breasts are "real." It could lead to a punch in the nose. I am recommending you visit some dating sites and, in the area where you are asked to list "interests," you state "intelligent women who have not had plastic surgery." I'm sure you'll find many. Of course, whether you have what they're looking for remains to be seen.
P.S. One final thought: If a boob job (forgive the vernacular) has been successful, it is difficult if not impossible to detect. I have this on good authority.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for two months and together for two years. While we were dating, I learned that "Mario" cheated on me during our first year of dating. When I confronted him, he told me he didn't know why, but that he loved me with all his heart. A few months later, he asked me to marry him and I accepted.
A few days ago I discovered that not only did he cheat on me with several women, but also with several men. Mario says he didn't know how to tell me about his past because it was "disgusting" to him so he blocked it out of his mind.
Had he told me all this before we married, I would not have gone through with it. I am now totally confused about his sexuality. Mario says it was "just a phase" -- it was in the past. He says he's a changed man and he wants to be with me. I don't know what to believe anymore because all he does is lie to me. Please help me. -- BROKENHEARTED AND CONFUSED IN TEXAS
DEAR BROKENHEARTED: The first thing you need to do is get checked for STDs and HIV, because you may have been exposed to some of them during the "phase" your husband "blocked out of his mind." Whether Mario admits it or not, he is bisexual. Next, go online to � HYPERLINK "http://www.StraightSpouse.org" ��www.StraightSpouse.org� and you will find the help and support you are looking for.
Because you can't trust your husband to be honest, you will have to take care of yourself now. Please don't put it off because your emotional and physical health could depend upon it. On the plus side, be thankful there are not children involved. A man who always lies isn't just a poor husband; he would make an even worse role model.
Friend Is in the Doghouse for Usurping Daughter's Name
DEAR ABBY: My best friend of 30 years, "Andrea," and her husband decided not to have children. They are happy with their dogs and cats.
She recently adopted a 10-year-old rescue dog and changed the dog's name to "Monique." Abby, Monique is my daughter's name! When I asked Andrea why she changed the dog's name, she said it is because no one in her family has that name. I am hurt that she would name her dog after my daughter, her godchild -- so much so that I no longer wish to speak to this woman. How do I get past this? -- MONIQUE'S MOM IN COLORADO
DEAR M.M.: I understand your feelings, but I hate to see a friendship of 30 years go down in flames because of one (albeit huge) lapse of judgment on Andrea's part. It appears she just loved the name. Avoid having your daughter and her dog in the same room at the same time, and you'll spare both of them from confusion. And remember, your Monique will have the name much longer than the dog will. This, too, shall pass.
DEAR ABBY: I have an old friend, "Erika," who, when we were working together, was my superior. My problem is Erika will, from time to time, ask me questions seeming not to know anything about the subject. However, as I begin explaining whatever it is, she'll then say something that indicates she really is well-versed in the matter and knows more about it than I do.
I end up feeling blindsided, stupid, and like I have been set up. Why does she do this? And how can I avoid falling into this trap? Erika seems so sincere when she asks a question. -- FALLING FOR IT IN DECATUR, ILL.
DEAR FALLING FOR IT: She may do it as a form of one-upmanship -- or "asking questions" may be her way of making conversation. Because it makes you uncomfortable, ask her why she does it and, while you're at it, tell her how it makes you feel. If Erika cares about your feelings, she'll stop trying to one-up you. And if she doesn't, accept that you will either have to keep your guard up when you're with her, or limit the time you spend with her.
DEAR ABBY: I don't cry at funerals. I am a Christian with a deep conviction that the deceased is in a better place.
I have been criticized for not crying. My sister-in-law chided me about it at my father-in-law's funeral. He had been sick and in constant pain for 15 years and died in his 70s. I didn't cry because he had lived a long and happy life, and had been finally released from chronic pain.
How do I answer these criticisms? I have given the reasons I have given you, but no one wants to accept that response. I'm tired of being told how I "should" show emotion at a funeral. Is what I feel or show really anyone's business but my own? -- STOIC IN COLUMBUS, OHIO
DEAR STOIC: No, it's not. And furthermore, funerals can be such wrenching events that sometimes emotions become mixed up and mourners -- rather than crying -- have been known to break into giggles and laughter. Because few people who have suffered a significant loss are at their best while they are grieving, please try to forgive these presumptuous individuals for their comments.
Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)
Couple Enjoying Good Life Is Getting Bad Reception
DEAR ABBY: For 10 years my husband and I worked hard in our careers, but didn't have much to show for it. Our house is shabby and old, we carpool to save money and have been extremely frugal.
Last year we got lucky. We changed jobs and our salaries increased greatly. We paid off our student loans and are now debt-free. We have now decided to move to a nicer neighborhood with better schools for our children and because we can afford a larger home.
When I told our friends about the houses we have been considering, they accused me of "showing off" and not being "myself." They say my news about trips we've taken and how happy we are with our new jobs is "boasting."
I am embarrassed that I came off this way to friends, but it's a relief to finally be free of financial stress and able to afford a lifestyle we have only dreamed about. I intend to watch what I say now, so as not to annoy them.
Abby, is it more about jealousy on their part, or is it me being a bore? -- MOVING UP IN NEW BRUNSWICK, CANADA
DEAR MOVING UP: Frankly, it's a little of both. But it's more about the lack of sensitivity you displayed when you started crowing. In the future, talk about things other than your good fortune or keep your beak shut.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I desperately need help concerning our 25-year-old daughter, "Grace." She was always a bit "awkward," but we became more concerned about her as she neared adulthood. Grace misused her college money and dropped out of school. She has been evicted twice, and we have paid off several outstanding liens against her that amounted to thousands of dollars.
Grace has now decided she wants a baby, and she's six months pregnant. This month, at my urging, she married her fiance so she could be put on his medical insurance.
Grace was laid off her job, and they are trying to live on his income as a waiter. They struggle to pay the rent, there is little food in the apartment and she can't find a job. The maternity insurance coverage is only $3,000. I have urged her to seek county help, but she complained that it "takes too long" to hang on the phone or stand in line.
I am 62 and my husband is 73. We have one income and a son who's in college still living at home. We don't have the resources to give our daughter more money. I have always tried to please her and make things perfect. I don't see how we can "fix" this, but now there is an innocent life involved. What should we do? -- ANXIOUS IN ALBUQUERQUE
DEAR ANXIOUS: You have already done more than enough "fixing" for your daughter. Continue to encourage Grace to get help from the county or the state. She will need adequate nutrition to produce a healthy baby.
Also, what about your son-in-law's family? Are they capable of providing assistance, financial or otherwise, to the parents-to-be? If not, and you have reason to believe your grandchild won't be properly cared for, you must ensure that a social worker knows what's going on. There should be one on staff at the hospital where the child is delivered.