DEAR ABBY: As a therapist and regular reader, I was surprised and dismayed by your advice to "Hubby in Purr-gatory" (June 30). Apparently, "Hubby" has grown annoyed with his wife's preoccupation with her two cats.
Whatever blocks to closeness have been created for this couple are not likely to be removed by his demanding affection and threatening infidelity -- even in jest. (Re: your comment, "He may adopt a 'kitten' of his own.") People turn to excessive engagement with animals because animals provide warmth in easy, reliable ways. Spouses would often do well to watch what animals give and offer the same things -- especially uncritical pleasure in each other's company.
At the least, you could have suggested "Hubby" open a dialogue with his wife about why she chooses the cats' company and what he can do to be equally appealing. -- JULIE IN RICHMOND, VA., CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGIST
DEAR JULIE: I'm sorry you were dismayed. If you read "Hubby's" letter again you will see that he tried "opening a dialogue" with his wife and got nowhere. She has infantilized the cats, which she calls her "babies," to assuage her anxiety after her sons moved out.
While some readers assumed I was "advising" the husband to "adopt a 'kitten' of his own," what I was trying to convey was that when a spouse (of either sex, by the way) feels ignored, unappreciated, unloved or unimportant, it is not uncommon for him or her to seek validation elsewhere. In other words, I called it as I saw it.