Join the debate. Vote Now on the Dear Abby Poll of the week.

by Abigail Van Buren

Woman Who Loses Her Bra Now Finds Herself in a Bind

DEAR ABBY: The most embarrassing thing happened to me at the chiropractor's office. I typically see him before going to the gym, and change into my gym clothes in the waiting area bathroom. It's easier for my doctor to treat me when I'm not in my office attire.

After completing my workout, I realized that my bra hadn't made it into my gym bag and must still be on the doctor's bathroom floor. I am embarrassed for two reasons: (1) He is single and handsome, and I don't want him to think I'm trying to send him a "signal" of some kind, and (2) it was my favorite bra!

How do I begin to address this? -- "DEBBIE" IN DALLAS

DEAR "DEBBIE": Your bra may be gone but I'm here to support you. Please stop feeling embarrassed. It's entirely possible that your chiropractor never saw the bra. Call the person who schedules your doctor's appointments, explain what happened, and ask if the item has been turned in. If it was, collect it when you go in for your next appointment or ask that it be sent to you.

DEAR ABBY: I reconnected with "Andy," a former high school classmate, and we started a relationship. Because of his actions last year the relationship ended. It started again several months ago. Currently it's on the right track.

Andy is a great guy who fulfills almost everything I am looking for. He accepts me for who I am and doesn't judge me. He's polite and cares about me.

My problem is, I'm not physically attracted to him. Abby, if he's "almost" everything I'm looking for, why am I not attracted to him? Am I blowing it with the one guy I'm supposed to be with, or is there someone else out there for me? -- CONFUSED IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR CONFUSED: I wish you had mentioned what caused your breakup last year. If the reason you're not physically attracted to Andy is something he can change, you should talk to him about it. If it's nothing you can put your finger on, then talk with a counselor to see if the problem could be a fear of commitment on your part. But if it is neither, then face it -- you need to let him find someone who is attracted to him. To marry someone feeling as you do would be dishonest and cheat you both out of a full and happy union.

DEAR ABBY: I have been seeing a guy, "Bill," who I believe is my soul mate. We have discussed our future and decided that after college we will have four kids. We love each other, and we're trying to wait until we're married to have sex. I talked to my parents about it, and Mom offered to put me on the pill.

I don't see any reason not to make love -- other than I always thought I'd wait until my honeymoon. Bill isn't pressuring me, either. I'm afraid that if we do it will complicate our relationship. I guess right now I'm looking for reasons not to because I don't have any. Is it wrong for me to want this? -- IN LOVE IN WASHINGTON

DEAR IN LOVE: I don't think so. You're an idealistic young woman who would like to give her husband a gift on her wedding night that can be given only once. It takes self-control, discipline and determination to accomplish that -- particularly with the emphasis on sex in popular culture. If you wait to have sex until you are married, you will never regret it. If you don't, you might. So hang in there until you're sure you're ready or you have said "I do."

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)