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by Abigail Van Buren

Open Minded Wife Draws the Line at Lap Dances

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I generally agree on most major issues. We agree to disagree on the minor ones. But there is one issue I think is major and he thinks is minor -- strip clubs. He sees nothing wrong with having women give him lap dances. He compares it to seeing a movie -- it's "entertainment."

Abby, I'm not a prude. I wouldn't care if he went to a strip club for a bachelor party, and I don't object about his extensive porn collection. But it makes me feel he isn't getting what he needs from me when he goes to a strip club by himself. I expect my husband to understand and respect my feelings. Is that too much to ask, or am I being unreasonable? -- THAT'S ENTERTAINMENT? IN SALT LAKE CITY

DEAR "?": You don't mind your husband going to strip clubs as long as he's with others, and you don't mind him looking at his "extensive porn collection"? It seems as wives go, you're extremely liberal. It's not unreasonable to feel uncomfortable knowing one's spouse is being touched by a scantily clad person of the opposite sex. Because you prefer he not be there alone and he refuses to quit, consider going with him.

DEAR ABBY: I have a good friend who is extremely handsome and well-built. "Kal" is friendly, outgoing and lights up a room when he walks in. Everyone likes him -- guys and gals. He makes friends easily and is quite engaging. Girls talk to him and flirt with him, but they don't want to date him.

Kal is 5-foot-7 and everyone says things like, "He's hot!" or, "He's so cute -- but he's short." Abby, this man has a great job, makes more than $80,000 a year, owns his own home and drives a nice car. He surfs, snowboards and loves to enjoy life.

I don't get it. If I wasn't already married to a wonderful man, I'd date Kal in a hot minute. I have seen girls swoon over his physique on the beach or at the gym. Is he too short to be considered eligible? -- LOST IN THE LAND OF ALOHA

DEAR LOST: No -- he's too eligible to be considered short on anything. The true measure of a man isn't from top to bottom -- it's from the eyebrows up. I wish you had sent me Kal's phone number. I know I'll be inundated with letters from interested people.

P.S. Readers, I'd be interested in your thoughts. Does height really matter?

DEAR ABBY: Our daughter just turned 4. She was a "miracle baby" -- carried by a surrogate using my embryo. When our surrogate was 4 1/2 months pregnant, I became pregnant. Our second child is a boy.

I have been open about our story, trying to give other infertile couples hope. However, I have noticed that our daughter's ears perk up when I start talking. She often talks about when she was in my tummy, and when her brother was in there, too. I am torn as to whether I should explain the story to her now, or wait until she can really comprehend such a thing. I don't want her to resent me for covering up the truth. -- BLESSED TWICE IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR BLESSED TWICE: At 4, your little girl is too young to be told the technicalities surrounding her birth. Raise the subject when she is older and starting to learn about biology -- unless she starts asking questions sooner. If she does, answer her honestly and on an age-appropriate level.

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