DEAR ABBY: My adult daughter, "Suzie," spent the weekend at our home, bringing along her boyfriend of six months. This was "Liam's" first visit.
I allowed them to share Suzie's old bedroom, which we have converted into a family office. We keep a large futon in there for my daughter when she comes to visit. I didn't make a big deal out of where Liam and Suzie should sleep because I didn't want to embarrass them, and I was sure there would be no "hanky-panky" because our bedroom is right across the hall.
Well, I was wrong. In the middle of the night I was awakened by Suzie's squeals and moans. Fortunately, my husband is a sound sleeper. The next morning, while my husband was out on his daily run, I let the kids have it -- to the point of slapping Liam around a little. I told Suzie her actions were disrespectful and I was highly disappointed in her.
Suzie and I are no longer speaking and I am miserable. Do you think I overreacted? Did I silently give permission for such behavior by allowing them to share the same futon? And did Liam really think it would be OK to have sex in my home? -- MISERABLE MOM IN WISCONSIN
DEAR MISERABLE MOM: I will respond to your questions in reverse order. The answers are yes, yes and yes. And all of you owe each other an apology.
DEAR ABBY: "Dave" is 49, well-educated, gainfully employed and still lives with his parents. He has never been married and has no children. His dating history is "sketchy" -- he claims never to have had a serious relationship with a woman. When I asked him why he has never lived on his own, he told me he feels comfortable living with his parents.
Dave and I have enjoyed a strictly platonic relationship for nearly a year. He recently told me he's in love with me and wants us to be exclusive, with marriage as the ultimate outcome. I have been divorced for 20 years. My children are independent, thriving adults. Marrying again is not a priority in my life.
Dave is kind, sensitive and thoughtful. I care for him deeply, yet I am skeptical about becoming seriously involved with a man who seems to be "hiding" something. Am I being overly critical, or is there something wrong with this picture? -- JADED IN JERSEY
DEAR JADED: The situation you have described is unusual, but it doesn't necessarily indicate that Dave is "hiding" anything. He could be a simple man who enjoys the living arrangement he has with his folks -- and the lowest sex drive in New Jersey. Before making any hard and fast decisions, you and Dave need to have some frank, serious and ongoing conversations. You also need to determine how his parents will feel about "losing" their son after 49 years of togetherness.
DEAR ABBY: I have three daughters who seem to be incapable of functioning as adults. None of them is employed or in school. My oldest is a single parent of two kids she doesn't want.
I love my grandkids and I know I should take them, but I raised my daughters and feel I'm too old to be Dad to toddlers again. Am I being selfish? -- DAD OF THREE DAUGHTERS IN NEBRASKA
DEAR DAD: No, you are being realistic.
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