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by Abigail Van Buren

Mom Resents Lack of Support for Sons' College Expenses

DEAR ABBY: "Chad" and I have been married for six years. While we were dating, I asked him if he was done being in a band and in the club scene. He said yes.

My dilemma is he has now been asked to be in a band, and he wants to do it. He told me he won't accept the offer if I don't want him to, because the issue was important to me when I was considering marrying him. Now I find out he has been telling me one thing and the band guys another. He is planning to join.

Am I wrong to be livid about this? I know he enjoys playing, which is why he was drumming at church. But why join a band now? Abby, he's 45! I'm upset but don't know if I'm justified in being so. -- NOT A BAND WIFE IN TEXAS

DEAR NOT A BAND WIFE: You are upset because you know your husband hasn't been truthful with you -- telling you one thing and his prospective band mates another. Also, the role of "band wife" is one you specifically wanted to avoid.

Not knowing Chad, I don't know whether he loves music or enjoys being in the spotlight. That's not something that fades with age. Because you can't stop him, be a sport and let him shine. If he's good, enjoy the extra income. If he's not, this gig won't be forever.