DEAR ABBY: My cousin "Cassidy" met a man I'll call "Lenny" online and they started dating. When I met him a few months later, I recognized him as the man who had sexually assaulted two women I knew in college. He was convicted of these crimes, did time in jail and is a registered sex offender.
I was horrified and unsure about how to tell Cassidy. It turns out Lenny told her before they started dating, but she chose to date him anyway. They were married at the courthouse two years ago, a few weeks before my own wedding. I did not invite Lenny, and my cousin posted a nasty message online about it. When we are at family functions, I ignore him as much as I possibly can.
Although their marriage is not a good one, Cassidy is planning a formal wedding in a few months. I am torn. I don't support this, and besides, they are already married. If I don't attend, I'm afraid it will cause a big rift in my family.
Should I suck it up and put myself in a situation that makes me sick to my stomach? Or should I stay away with the possibility of upsetting those I care about? -- RELUCTANT RELATIVE IN THE MIDWEST
DEAR RELUCTANT RELATIVE: Your cousin already knows how you feel about her husband because you tried to warn her. Unless you're as good an actress as Meryl Streep, your family cannot have missed the fact that you avoid him as often as possible. If the idea of attending the upcoming performance gives you an upset stomach, do everyone a favor and stay away. And if anyone gives you heat, be upfront about the fact you think she's making a mistake and would feel like a hypocrite if you went.