Join the debate. Vote Now on the Dear Abby Poll of the week.

by Abigail Van Buren

DEAR ABBY: "Aaron" and I have been married five years, and I have always tried to keep our sex life "spicy." Letting him take private X-rated photos and videos of me seemed fun at the time.

I recently learned that my "private" photos and videos have been on the Internet and shared with Aaron's buddies, co-workers and friends. I am shocked, embarrassed and hurt. When I confronted him, he said, "You're beautiful, and I enjoy sharing you with other guys!" I was dumbfounded at his response. I have tried talking to him, and he just doesn't see my objections.

Every time I see one of our friends, I wonder if Aaron has shared my "beauty" with him. I'm too embarrassed to talk to my minister about this. I have lost my trust in my husband and don't know what I should do now. -- X-POSED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR X-POSED: What your husband has done is the equivalent of inviting his buddies, co-workers, friends, etc. into your bedroom during your most intimate moments. Your trust was violated and your feelings are understandable. That he would disregard your feelings in the matter is, frankly, shocking.

What you should do now is contact a licensed marriage counselor to figure out if, with professional help, you can help your immature and insensitive husband reorganize his priorities.

DEAR ABBY: Twenty years ago I was in love with "Connie," a girl who was my best friend and soul mate. We had so much in common. Connie was chubby -- not fat, just not a size 3.

Being 22 at the time, I became infatuated with "Lisa," who was a size 3. Lisa was also jealous, insecure and still tied to her mother. I snapped one day and left her -- the smartest thing I have ever done.

By then, of course, Connie had moved on, and I deeply regret my wandering eye, lack of sensitivity and misplaced values. My life would be so much happier had I done what was right instead of being stupid.

Connie, I am told, is happily married, and I would not wreck her marriage. I have remained single. I don't know if you can offer me advice, but if my experience can help another young man to recognize the beauty within, he will be happier than I am. -- WISER NOW IN OHIO

DEAR WISER NOW: You are not the first man to wind up with indigestion from too much arm candy. But this happened 20 years ago and you have grown since then. It's time to stop punishing yourself and open yourself to new possibilities. There are many out there. Trust me on that.

DEAR ABBY: My sister is showing signs of Alzheimer's, but she is in denial and refuses to face the issue. I would like to get her medical help. Our mother had the disease and my sister is probably scared. Any advice? -- BIG BROTHER IN FLORIDA

DEAR BIG BROTHER: If your sister is without a spouse or children, her doctor should be notified about your concerns. You also need to talk to her, to ensure that she has an advance directive for health care and powers of attorney in place in the event that she "might" become unable to make decisions for herself.

While the thought of preparing these documents can be scary, NOT having them is far scarier should any incapacitating health-care crisis arise. This needs to be done while your sister still has the capacity to make rational decisions.

The Alzheimer's Association can be a valuable resource in a situation like this, so please don't hesitate to contact it. The toll-free, 24-hour helpline is (800) 272-3900. The website is � HYPERLINK "" ���.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)