Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)
Siblings Suffer Consequences of Mom's Disregard for Truth
DEAR ABBY: My mother has a long history of lying in what appears to be her attempt to manipulate others. She is now 75, and my siblings and I know not to accept anything she says as the truth, and to always check with each other in order to find out the whole story.
The other day she lied to me about a doctor's appointment. Shortly after I talked to her, my sister called me, furious about what Mom had really done. I called Mom back that evening to give her a chance to tell the truth. Instead, she made up another lie to cover up what she had done. That's when I told her I had already spoken to my sister.
The whole situation makes me very sad, which I told her. I let her know I am "on to her" and have decided to give both of us some time to think about the situation. I know you can't teach an old dog new tricks, and I have given up trying.
I love Mom, but her continued manipulation of others has driven me away from her. Is there any way for her to see how much her inappropriate behavior affects those of us who care about her? -- SAD SON IN AUSTIN, TEXAS
DEAR SAD SON: No. And by cross-checking whatever your mother tells you with your siblings, you are handling a difficult situation as well as you can.
DEAR ABBY: Our 19-year-old son is home from college for the summer and he "knows everything." His father and I have told him to wash all fruits and vegetables we buy fresh from the market before eating them. He feels this is not important and continues to eat apples, strawberries and lettuce directly from the container or plastic bag without rinsing them.
Please let me know if our fears are real. I have always been told washing is necessary. I would love to show him something on this subject because he thinks I'm silly and overprotective. -- MOTHER KNOWS BEST IN TEXAS
DEAR M.K.B.: If seeing it in print will get your son's attention, I'm happy to oblige. Have him try this experiment: The next time he decides to eat a nice, shiny apple, have him soak it for 5 to 10 minutes in water to which several tablespoons of vinegar have been added. This will remove the waxy coating that is usually sprayed on them, and with it any dirt or "little critters" that may have become attached.
Also, periodically on the nightly news we hear announcements of FDA recalls because of salmonella or E. coli that has been discovered on various vegetables. Although some are packaged as ready-to-eat, they, too, should be rinsed before using. Consider it "health insurance."
DEAR ABBY: I am the parent of a child with special needs. To an outsider he looks different; adults and children stare at him when we're out.
My son is not aware of their impolite behavior, but I am -- and it really irks me. What should I say to these insensitive people? -- BOILING MAD IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR BOILING MAD: I don't think you should say anything. It is not unusual for individuals of every age to do a double take when they see someone -- or something -- that is "different." Of course staring is impolite, but unless someone makes a remark or asks a question about your son, you should ignore the person.
FEELINGS FOR BEST FRIEND ARE BURDEN FOR BISEXUAL FEMALE
DEAR ABBY: I am a 20-year-old female who has recently come to terms with the fact that I am bisexual. My problem lies in the fact that I am strongly attracted to one of my best friends. I have liked her for several years, and she is a large part of the reason I discovered I was bisexual. I know she is straight and won't ever feel the same about me, but every time I'm around her, my romantic feelings for her start up again.
It has reached the point where I'm considering avoiding her to stop these feelings. None of my close friends are gay, and I don't feel comfortable discussing this with them. Is there any way I can still be friends with her without being so intensely attracted to her? -- ATTRACTED TO MY BEST FRIEND
DEAR ATTRACTED: You can do something about your actions, but not about your feelings. You will probably always be attracted to your friend. You will be less attracted -- and better able to handle your feelings -- once you have become involved with someone else.
DEAR ABBY: I have been seeing "Rodney" for four months. He is very nice, and we get along well. My problem is I am not totally attracted to him because of some dental issues.
Shortly after we started dating he told me he chews tobacco, which has contributed to his yellowing teeth. Because of this I find it hard to kiss him. Rodney has noticed it, but I told him I am not big on kissing -- which is really not the case.
How should I approach the subject with Rodney? This issue keeps me from completely falling for him. Please offer me some advice if you can. -- TURNED OFF IN SOUTH CAROLINA
DEAR TURNED OFF: If you truly care about Rodney, confront the subject directly, because if he doesn't do something about his addiction to tobacco, your romance won't last. Tell him you weren't honest about how you feel about kissing and that his breath and yellow teeth have kept you from fully enjoying it.
Most people don't realize how dangerous and addictive chewing tobacco is. Studies show that the amount of nicotine in the bloodstream of "chewers" is twice as great as for smokers. Chewing tobacco is a cause for cancer of the mouth, lip, tongue, cheek and throat, heart disease, tooth decay and receding gums, as well as halitosis (bad breath). Nicotine gum can help Rodney quit and possibly save his life. So speak up -- for his sake. And yours.
DEAR ABBY: When I was in college, I dated "Alex." Three months later I found out he had a steady girlfriend, "Jane." Over the next two years Alex continued to cheat on Jane with me because Jane wouldn't have sex with him. I finally told her what had been going on because I was angry, and I ended the relationship with Alex.
Ten years have passed, and I hear they are being married. Do you see anything weird/strange/wrong with that? If a man cheated on me and later proposed marriage, I wouldn't accept because the thought of the other woman would always be on my mind. Would you share your thoughts? -- DUMBFOUNDED IN MINNEAPOLIS
DEAR DUMBFOUNDED: OK. I think it's time you stopped obsessing about a relationship that ended 10 years ago. It appears Jane has waited a long time for Alex to get serious -- and now he has. What happens after they marry will be her problem, not yours. Let it go and concentrate on your own life.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
SEX AND DRUG EDUCATION IS NEEDED NOW MORE THAN EVER
DEAR ABBY: When I was a young teen, my mother gave me a copy of your booklet "What Every Teen Should Know." She left it on my bed for me to read at my own pace, and let me know that I could come to her if I had any questions, when I was ready to ask them.
For years that booklet served as a reference guide for me. I also lent it to many of my friends whose parents were not so forthcoming with this important information. Being informed and not believing urban myths made a big difference in our decisions -- and we're all doing well now.
A decade later, I often work with teens who have received no comprehensive education about sex, drugs, or the impact of decisions they make during adolescence. Your booklet remains an important tool in these kids' educations. I write to encourage all parents, grandparents and relatives of teens to keep a copy of this booklet handy -- and to thank those who have already done so. -- KRISTEN WOYTONIK, DOVER, N.H.
DEAR KRISTEN: Thank you for your endorsement of my teen booklet. I am pleased that you continue to find it useful. Today many young people engage in adult activities at a much earlier age than the teenagers of previous generations. That's why it is so important for parents to take the initiative and discuss alcohol, drugs, sex and FAMILY VALUES with their children well before nature takes over and they start experimenting.
My teen booklet contains answers to commonly asked questions such as: How old must a girl be before she can get pregnant? Can a girl get pregnant the first time she has sex? What time of the month is a girl 100 percent safe? How old must a boy be before he can father a child?
Another important topic covered is HOW TO AVOID DATE RAPE AND WHAT TO DO IF IT HAPPENS. To order "What Every Teen Should Know," send your name and address, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price.
My teen booklet also contains information on contraception and sexually transmitted diseases and how to recognize them. It has been distributed in doctors' offices and used to promote discussion by educators and religious leaders, and is often used by parents who find it difficult to discuss sex with their children.
DEAR ABBY: My niece is being married -- again. This will be No. 5. What kind of gift would you suggest? I am out of ideas, as I'm thinking she already has everything. The wedding is in a few months. Help! -- STUMPED IN RENO
DEAR STUMPED: After the second -- or third -- wedding, one would think the marriage would be a quiet, low-key affair. And because you have already given her four wedding gifts, what you should send her is your good wishes for a long and successful marriage.