DEAR ABBY: I was my best friend "Chanel's" maid of honor. I received her beautiful engraved invitation in the mail, but never sent back my RSVP, assuming that because I was maid of honor, had purchased my plane ticket, reserved a hotel room (which the bride and I were sharing the night before the wedding) and had already bought my dress, it was "understood" that I was coming. The bride and I had already discussed my special meal for the reception because I am a vegetarian.
During the reception, Chanel's mother informed me that "in the future I needed to RSVP when invited to a function." Abby, as a member of the wedding party I honestly didn't think I needed to. Are the members of the wedding party expected to RSVP?
As an aside, Chanel's mother was never fond of my mother and has told Chanel she thinks I'm "flaky." Was I in the wrong, or did her mother use this as a way to express her dislike of me? I have never considered her someone who was a stickler regarding etiquette. -- PERPLEXED IN PLANO, TEXAS
DEAR PERPLEXED: Technically, when one receives an RSVP card with an invitation, the recipient should immediately return it with an acceptance or regrets. However, in your case, common sense should have allowed the bride's mother to conclude that you would be there -- for all of the reasons you mentioned -- unless Chanel and her mother weren't communicating.
It appears your assessment of the woman is on target. For her to have been so insensitive to have taken it upon herself to "correct" you at the reception was in extremely poor taste.