DEAR ABBY: I left my wife for a much younger woman two years ago. Despite what my ex-wife says, it was not a mid-life crisis. I was very unhappy with my wife and our marriage. Our divorce has been final for seven months -- although I'm beginning to wonder if it will ever truly be "final."
My girlfriend, "Nicole," is anxious for us to be married and start building a life together. I'm still overwhelmed from how unbelievably painful the whole divorce process has been, and I can't begin to think about getting married again at the moment.
I have told Nicole that I'm not ready and I need some time. She says I'm "stringing her along," and even though she doesn't want to have kids, she still feels her clock is ticking for finding an acceptable mate. It has reached the point where Nicole says she is going to leave me if I don't commit to marrying her.
What is a reasonable time to expect someone to recover and be emotionally ready to remarry after an extremely bitter divorce? And what do you suggest? -- STILL HEALING IN WASHINGTON
DEAR STILL HEALING: Some people are ready to remarry within months of a divorce. For others, the healing process can take years. I suggest you call Nicole's bluff. She is anxious because she is beginning to doubt that she'll get you to the altar -- and the "biological clock" business she's handing you is ridiculous in light of the fact that she doesn't want children.
The feelings you are experiencing are normal after a bitter divorce. Please do not allow yourself to be stampeded. When the time is right for you to remarry, you will know it without my telling you.