DEAR ABBY: I am the oldest of three. Our mother was verbally and physically abusive while we were growing up. I now suspect she suffered from bipolar disorder, but back then no one had any idea what it was or how to treat it.
Her behavior drove our father away, leaving her to manage finances on her own. She made a miserable mess of it and, at 70, is still working so she can support herself. She wants to retire, but has almost nothing in savings. Because of the way she treated us, none of us wants much to do with her, and we are in no position to support her after she retires.
The problem, Abby, is that she has started laying an enormous guilt trip on my 22-year-old daughter and wants her to take her in. I caught wind of it and stepped in. There is no way my daughter should be burdened caring for her grandmother for the next 20 years. I feel bad that she has nowhere to go, but I feel she's reaping what she has sown. Am I wrong? -- GUILT TRIPPIN' IN NEW HAMPSHIRE
DEAR GUILT TRIPPIN': No. But has your mother ever been diagnosed as bipolar? Is she on medications now that help her to control her behavior? If the answer is yes and she has tried to make amends, then perhaps you should try to be more forgiving and forthcoming. If the answer is no, then taking her in would be a disaster.