DEAR ABBY: Two years ago, after much searching, I found the love of my life, "Laura," and we were married. Most of our time together is harmonious; the remainder is volatile.
Laura is insanely jealous of practically everything I do. The most recent episode was over a junk e-mail she had seen in my inbox. She asked me about it as we were going to bed, and I told her I had no idea what it was. The next day she asked me to look for it. I did, but I couldn't find it. Laura then accused me of hiding and deleting it. Well, I always delete the "spam" e-mail I receive.
Laura had a horrible first marriage and was wronged in the divorce. She keeps telling me it isn't the reason for her suspicions, but it's hard to believe that doesn't play a part. These arguments are horrible and are causing trouble in our marriage. I am open and honest with her, and I truly want to be with her for the rest of my life. But her doubts, fears and mistrust are driving me crazy. What do I do? -- UNDER CONSTANT ATTACK IN TEMPE, ARIZ.
DEAR UNDER ATTACK: If you want your marriage to survive, tell Laura that although you love her, you will no longer tolerate her inability to trust you and the volatile scenes her insecurity has caused.
Whatever is driving her paranoia, she needs to work it through with a licensed mental health professional. Because she may be resistant to the idea, start by insisting you both see a marriage counselor. That person can be an ally in guiding her into the counseling she seriously needs. I wish you luck, because I suspect her issues go back farther than her first marriage.