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by Abigail Van Buren

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a guy who is wonderful, caring -- everything a woman would want. There's just one problem. When he takes off his shirt, he has an extremely ugly mole. It looks suspicious and is irregularly shaped. I can't stand looking at it, but my eyes are drawn to it like to a car wreck. To top it off, it has hair growing out of it.

I know he probably pays no attention to it because it's on his back. But I see it staring back at me. How do you tell a loving and caring man that you're turned off by his scary mole? -- GROSSED OUT IN OKLAHOMA CITY

DEAR GROSSED OUT: Because man was not born equipped with a rearview mirror, it takes a caring friend to tell him -- or her -- what's going on behind his/her back. It's not necessary to say that you are "grossed out" at the sight of the mole. All you need to say is: "Honey, you have a large, irregularly shaped mole on your back that looks suspicious. It doesn't look right, and you need to have it checked out by a dermatologist as soon as possible because I'm worried about you."

DEAR ABBY: It's tax season, and once again, my husband and I are faced with our annual "conflict." We buy a tax program for our computer and do our own taxes. Every year, one of our daughters has my husband do her taxes. After he completes them, he returns the forms so she and her husband can sign them. The problem is, they never pay the taxes they owe.

My daughter and son-in-law owe thousands of dollars, and I know they risk being audited by the IRS. If that happens, I am sure the kids will say that my husband actually did the taxes, which could draw us into their problem. It might even target us to be audited. I don't want to be dragged into this potential problem. My husband thinks I'm being silly and borrowing trouble unnecessarily. What do you think? -- HONEST TAXPAYER IN WISCONSIN

DEAR HONEST TAXPAYER: Because your husband is preparing the tax return as a favor and not being paid, I doubt he will get into trouble. But there's a good chance your daughter and her husband will. What she needs to do is contact the IRS and work out some kind of workable payment plan. And as loving parents, you and your husband should encourage them to act like responsible adults and do that.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 48-year-old divorced man who has been dating a divorcee for five years. Last night I asked her to marry me, only to be told she was not ready and afraid of being hurt again.

Should I stay in this relationship, or stop seeing her and try to start another relationship? I'm afraid that staying in this one much longer will prevent me from finding someone else who would marry me. -- REJECTED AND DEJECTED IN OHIO

DEAR DEJECTED: After five years of dating, the lady should have some idea of how trustworthy you are. Because she's gun-shy, offer to go with her to some counseling sessions in order to allay her fears. If she's willing, continue the relationship a little longer. If she's not, then your instincts are correct, and it's time to move on.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)