DEAR ABBY: I have been involved with "Rich" for 4 1/2 years. We are now engaged. In the beginning, everything was great. What I didn't know was that Rich had a baby on the way. I learned about it from a young woman who knocked on our door nine months later.
Rich said he was sorry and that he'd handle it. I knew the situation would be hard to accept, but suppressed my feelings like I always do instead of being honest about it.
Now this woman comes over whenever she wants. If she's angry about something, she'll say, "I don't want my baby around HER," meaning me. She has friends who work with me, and she has spread lies about me there. She has also called my house on several occasions and has been rude and nasty.
I have tried to deal with this, but Rich's infidelity and his having a child with another woman still hurts like it happened yesterday -- and the child is now 3. Can you help me? -- NOT MOVING ON IN VIRGINIA
DEAR NOT MOVING ON: I'll try. Before things evolve any further, don't you think that it's time to be open and honest? You have unresolved anger issues to deal with, and rightfully so. That's why I strongly advise you and your fiance to start premarital and couples counseling NOW.
Did Rich know he had gotten a girl pregnant before she knocked on the door and told you? If so, then what other information might he also have forgotten to mention? And why would he tolerate the abusive behavior that the baby's mama is dishing out to you? If you want to be treated with the respect you deserve, you must assert yourself. And if you don't get it, then I advise you to ditch Rich.