DEAR READERS: To those who live where daylight saving time is observed, I offer this gentle reminder: Don't forget to turn your clocks forward one hour before going to bed tonight. Daylight saving time begins at 2 a.m. tomorrow, and you know what that means -- spring is on the way!
DEAR ABBY: I'm a junior in high school, and a girl I was acquainted with was killed in a car crash. The accident was the result of bad road conditions, and she wasn't wearing her seatbelt. The driver of the car survived.
Because this girl had a reputation for being a troublemaker -- skipping classes, getting pregnant -- some adults here think she got what she deserved. I think it's insensitive to say such things while her parents are mourning the loss of their daughter. She may not have been the nicest person, but I feel sad for her parents and the baby she left behind.
How do I respond to these negative comments? -- SYMPATHETIC TEEN, PROSSER, WASH.
DEAR SYMPATHETIC TEEN: I think you said it very well in your letter. That girl's parents are mourning the loss of their daughter, and this is a tragedy not only for them, but also for the baby who lost its mother. Yes, she made mistakes but none of them warranted the death penalty.
DEAR ABBY: I crave certain foods sometimes. My doctor said that when you crave a food, it means your body needs something that's contained in the food -- such as salt on pretzels.
My grandmother thinks whenever I say I'm craving a food that I'm pregnant. I have tried to explain to her that I'm not -- that sometimes when your body needs a certain vitamin or mineral, people crave foods that are high in it.
My grandmother insists that my doctor is wrong and doesn't know what she is talking about. She says the only time a woman craves a certain food is when she's pregnant. Unlike my doctor, my grandmother has not been to medical school. She thinks experience and age are everything, and science is nothing.
Abby, what should I say to my grandmother to help her understand that science is here for a reason? -- CRAVING HELP IN MUSTANG, OKLA.
DEAR CRAVING HELP: Please stop arguing with your grandmother because as steeped in "folk wisdom" as she appears to be, she isn't going to budge. I do have one suggestion, though. The most effective way to get her to quit telling you you're pregnant would be to stop telling her you have a craving.
DEAR ABBY: We recently remodeled my mother-in-law's house. She's now trying to move back in and put things away. She asks my opinion constantly about where things should go, but when I give her my answer, she always disagrees.
Her house is small and storage is limited. I try to give her ideas (which she asks for) for organizing her stuff -- but then she says, "Oh, no," and shoves everything in her pantry.
I hate to see her clutter her house when she doesn't have to, and I feel her disregarding my help is intentional. What are your thoughts? -- TRYING TO LET IT GO, RICHMOND, VA.
DEAR TRYING: Your mother-in-law may ask your advice not because she intends to use it, but because she likes the attention she's getting from you. It's important that you emotionally disengage from what's going on, and remember that SHE will have to live with the disorganized mess she's creating, not you. You did your part by helping out with the remodel, so give yourself a pat on the back for that and step back. Your relationship with your mother-in-law will be better, and you'll experience less frustration if you do.
Co Worker Wants Her Cake and Some for Her Family, Too
DEAR ABBY: I work in an office where folks sometimes bring in birthday cakes, desserts and other goodies to share. "Dolores" is always the first in line, and helps herself to a large portion of the treats and says she's taking some home for her family.
Last week, someone brought in an exotic dessert and I got out the dessert-sized paper plates. Dolores took out two regular-sized paper plates and cut off a quarter of the entire dessert! No one could believe it, but we didn't know what to say or do. One time, she actually cut a huge portion of someone's birthday cake to take home before the "birthday boy" even got a slice. This woman is not poor. What do you recommend? -- "DESSERTED" IN TENNESSEE
DEAR "DESSERTED": Your co-worker is behaving the way she is because no one in your office has spoken up and objected. The next time someone brings something to be shared by the office staff and Dolores makes her usual move, the "bringer" should tell her plainly that she's not to take more than a portion for herself until everyone else has had some -- and to ask permission beforehand if she wants to take any of the remainder home.
DEAR ABBY: My son's birthday is coming soon. I want to invite his Scout troop and some of his schoolmates. The problem is "Matt." Matt is a horrible child who is in both Scouts and school. I know he'll destroy the party, but how can I invite everyone else and not him? His parents are lazy and overindulgent and can't seem to make him understand that there are rules of conduct. -- PERPLEXED MOM IN THE WOODLANDS, TEXAS
DEAR PERPLEXED: Do not invite all but one child to your son's party. If Matt acts up, take him aside and tell him exactly what you expect from him while he is with you -- and that if he can't behave appropriately he will be sent home. You may be surprised to find that when he hears it from you -- rather than from his ineffectual parents -- that he will listen and comply.
DEAR ABBY: When I take my children to the pediatrician, we are usually there for one reason -- flu-like symptoms, stomachache, etc. Sometimes my child will happen to have another ailment, like a sore ankle or a fever blister.
I don't feel comfortable bringing up additional issues with our doctor because when I do, I get the "evil eye" from him -- like he's only there to help with the one reason for our visit.
Is it appropriate to talk to the doctor about several medical problems in one visit, or only stick to the issue at hand? -- IN A QUANDARY, KETTERING, OHIO
DEAR IN A QUANDARY: If you are asked by the person who takes the appointment why you're bringing your child in, and you reply that your child has flu-like symptoms or a stomachache, the person will block you in for a certain amount of time with the doctor. If, after your child has been examined, you start talking about the sore ankle, the fever blister, etc., what you're interpreting as the "evil eye" may be stress because the necessary amount of time was not allotted and the doctor will be behind schedule for the rest of the day.
If, however, you feel the doctor is insensitive or not meeting your child's needs, then you should change doctors.
Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)
GIRL'S ARRIVAL TURNS DRINKS FOR TWO INTO PARTY OF THREE
DEAR ABBY: Last week I suggested to a co-worker, "Zack," that I treat him to a beer after work. Before our pints arrived, he disappeared to a corner of the pub to text on his phone, and 10 minutes later his girlfriend showed up. Her being there obligated me to buy her a drink, and it derailed the work-related discussion I had initially had in mind.
The following Monday, I mentioned to Zack that he should have asked me first if it was OK to bring someone else. He was none too pleased to hear that I thought his behavior was rude. How far off base was I? I'll bow to your opinion. -- WONDERING IN WESTMOUNT, CANADA
DEAR WONDERING: Did Zack know when you invited him for a beer that you wanted to discuss business? If not, then you're being too hard on him. But if he did know, then asking his girlfriend to join you was presumptuous -- and he should have offered to pay for her drink in any case.
DEAR ABBY: My 12-year-old daughter, "Jenna," is in the closet -- literally. About a week ago, she moved into her closet. She put her dresser in there, threw some blankets on the floor and that's where she hangs out now. When asked why she doesn't hang out in her room, she says, "I just like it in the closet."
Some of her girlfriends claim to be bisexual or gay. Is she telling me that she's "in the closet" or is she messing with my mind? Some of her friends are into cutting, and Jenna seems to be curious about it. I don't know what to make of any of this. Any advice? -- CONCERNED IN HOUSTON
DEAR CONCERNED: How close are you and your daughter? Are you the kind of mother she feels safe talking to about anything that might be troubling her?
Happy, outgoing girls don't usually take refuge in dark, confined spaces. She may be overwhelmed or depressed, or something may be going on in Jenna's life she needs help with but is afraid to tell you. Stay closer to your daughter for a while. If her change in behavior persists, keep probing until you find out what's going on.
Cutting can be an attempt to mask emotional pain, and if she starts, a licensed psychotherapist should be consulted.
DEAR ABBY: I have an 11-year-old son who has started having issues with lying -- nothing important, just little things like did he do his chores or brush his teeth.
I also have an alcoholic husband who says and does things he doesn't remember later. When I get conflicting stories from the two of them, I don't know whom to believe.
Don't suggest I leave my husband. It's not financially feasible right now, though it is something I am looking into. -- WHOM DO I BELIEVE IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR WHOM: I am not suggesting that you leave your husband, unless he poses a danger to his son during one of his blackouts. However, if I had to choose between a husband who says and does things he doesn't remember later, and an 11-year-old boy who lies occasionally about having brushed his teeth or done his chores, I'd be inclined to believe the more sober of the two, your son. And I'd make darn sure my son understood that, while I might be disappointed he hadn't done what he was supposed to do, he'd be punished if I caught him lying to me about it.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)