Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)
Roommate Shares More Than Space in College Dorm Room
DEAR ABBY: I walked into my dorm room and heard my roommate having sex in the bathroom. I promptly called my girlfriend to ask if she wanted to meet me. No sooner had I entered her number than I heard my girlfriend's ring tone coming from our bathroom. It was her.
I clicked off, left the room and stayed at a friend's for the night. Please tell me, did I do the right thing and what do I do now? -- BETRAYED IN TORONTO
DEAR BETRAYED: I'm sorry you walked out. You should have ordered a pizza and invited some (true) friends over so they could be there when the two of them emerged.
Here's what to do now: Tell your girlfriend the romance is history, and start looking for a roommate with enough character and intellect that he understands boundaries.
DEAR ABBY: I am shocked at what my young children tell me they have overheard while other "carpool moms" chat on their cell phones as they ferry children back and forth to school. Cell phones have opened up a whole new adult world to children.
My children have heard mothers bad-mouth teachers, other parents and even their classmates. They have also had to listen to adult arguments that were none of their business. In one extreme case, my son had to endure hearing the carpool mom relay the circumstances of his own father's sudden death! Can you imagine how painful that was?
Parents, please remember that little children have big ears and listen to everything you say! -- HANG IT UP IN COLUMBIA, S.C.
DEAR HANG IT UP: Thank you for writing. As tempted as I am to use your letter as yet another reason to discourage the use of cell phones and other electronic devices while driving, no state can legislate that its citizens use common sense. Too bad.
DEAR ABBY: Please warn all those poor trusting souls out there never to give out their passwords -- ever!
I work in an office with about 20 people, mostly middle-aged women, many of whom are going through divorces. I have noticed a disturbing trend -- cyberstalking. Several of the women use passwords provided to them in the past, when the relationships were good, to access personal data.
One woman accesses her husband's bank account so they can all have a good laugh at how he's struggling financially. Another has her ex's e-mail and Facebook passwords and delights in telling everyone about the angry messages being left by the ex's new girlfriend. The latest is the use of an ex-husband's password to spy on his online dating account.
Tell your readers out there to safeguard their passwords. Don't give them out no matter how much they trust someone. But if they do, when the relationship ends, change each and every one -- no matter how inconsequential. -- SICK TO MY STOMACH IN CONNECTICUT
DEAR SICK: I'm sure your letter will cause readers of both sexes to do a double take. No one can ever be too careful with personal information. Revealing a password is like giving someone the keys to your house, your safe-deposit box and your diary.
Obesity Is More a Problem of Quality Than Quantity
DEAR ABBY: I am appalled and saddened when I go out to a restaurant and see the number of adults who force their children to eat. There are so many overweight people in the United States, why try to make a child finish a meal? They will eat when they are hungry; just don't give them anything between meals.
It hurts me to see parents say, "We can't leave until you clean your plate" -- like they are bad children for not eating. Please tell me if I'm off base on this issue. -- MILWAUKEE GRANDMA
DEAR GRANDMA: Perhaps you shouldn't judge so quickly. The problem of obesity in this country has less to do with parents force-feeding their children than with children and adults who are consuming fattening foods in excessive portions and not burning off the calories. It may be that the children you are seeing want to consume only sweet, sugary foods -- and the parents are simply trying to get them to eat a balanced meal.
DEAR ABBY: A member of our family is very difficult to get along with and has a low boiling point. We never know what is going to trigger the anger, nor how long it will last. This person also likes to play the victim. Everything gets blown out of proportion and 99 percent of the time is unmerited. To us, this behavior is rude, mean and cruel. Some people avoid personal contact because they are tired of having their feelings hurt.
We know we can't change this person, but is this a form of mental abuse? Should we continue to ignore the punishment we are getting and continue to be kind and thoughtful and hope the mood will pass? -- TIRED OF THE TIRADES
DEAR TIRED: The tirades could be considered a form of mental abuse, but they could also be signs of substance abuse, a mental illness or a personality disorder. Your relative's behavior should not be ignored. In fact, I recommend you consult a licensed mental health professional to help you better understand what's going on and how to effectively deal with it.
DEAR ABBY: My parents will celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary and my mother's 70th birthday in March. They have invited my siblings and me, plus our spouses and grandchildren for a Caribbean cruise. The celebration was planned around a time when most of us could take time off work and school. Unfortunately, the event coincides with my stepdaughter's due date. Her mother (my wife) has already said she will stay behind for the birth.
The problem is, my stepdaughter has said that anyone who misses the birth of her baby will not be allowed to have a relationship with her or her child. How do I make this right for my parents and my stepdaughter? -- TROUBLED IN ILLINOIS
DEAR TROUBLED: You can't. It will be up to your wife to make her daughter understand that the world doesn't revolve around her, and that her attempt to blackmail you into being there for the birth of the baby will not punish you or your family, but rather isolate herself and the child. It's a mistake she'll regret in the future.
Grandma Adds Insult to Injury Caused by Her Hurtful Remark
DEAR ABBY: My daughter and I haven't spoken in more than two years because of something I said regarding her grandson, "Joey," who is my great-grandson. The last time I saw this boy, who lives in another state, he was 7 or 8.
My daughter's husband was expressing how proud he was of Joey, who is a star football player -- a linebacker at 200 pounds and over 6 feet tall. I said, "Wow, the last time I saw him he was 7 or 8 and fat as a little pig." My words were not wisely chosen, but an expression I have used many times. It was just a comment.
They left the state in early spring without a call or a goodbye. On Mother's Day I received a "gushy" card, which I returned with a note saying how much I would have loved the card -- if I had felt it was sincere.
I am 86 and hate what has happened, but I feel I am being punished for just "being me." Should I make the first move or just let sleeping dogs lie? -- OUTSPOKEN GRANDMA IN FLORIDA
DEAR OUTSPOKEN GRANDMA: You should have apologized for your comment the minute you realized you had struck a nerve. And returning the card the way you did only added fuel to the fire. My advice is to write your daughter and son-in-law a note of apology and do it soon, because at 86, you don't have any time to waste.
DEAR ABBY: I am a woman from a family of females who are all large-busted. Sad to say, I am the exception. My husband not only looks but stares when he sees a big-breasted woman. He promised me a few years ago I could get implants. He even let me consult two plastic surgeons, and then twice prevented me with excuses from having it done.
I do not want this because of his actions but because I have always wanted a well-balanced body. I have been told by family members to go ahead and get the implants without his knowledge. I believe he would love the end result, but I'm not sure this is the right way to do it. What do you think? -- NO MORE EXCUSES IN LOUISIANA
DEAR NO MORE EXCUSES: I think that if you want to have breast augmentation, you should do it. BUT NOT THE WAY YOUR FAMILY IS SUGGESTING! Have a serious talk with your husband, so you can explain how you feel about having the surgery and he can tell you exactly what his qualms are. While he may enjoy looking at large-breasted women, he married you just the way you are, and he may be worried that something could happen during the procedure that could cost him the love of his life. Hear him out.
DEAR ABBY: I am an only child who has been married for almost 30 years to a wonderful man who is also an only child. We have no children.
We are moving to another state where we don't know anyone. I am worried that one day I'll be all alone in the world with no one to turn to. (Women statistically tend to live longer than men, and my husband is seven years my senior.)
What do people do when they have no one, and how do I not let this ruin our otherwise great life now? -- AFRAID TO BE ALONE
DEAR AFRAID: First of all, quit preoccupying yourself with thoughts of death and isolation. When you arrive at your destination, join a church or synagogue if you are religious. If you're not, find organizations where you and your husband can volunteer time and meet people. Join social clubs if you're moving to a sizable city. "Old age" will happen years from now, if you're lucky. And regardless of what "statistics" say, you could go before your husband -- so stop worrying and enjoy the time you have together.