DEAR ABBY: I am an 80-year-old woman, happily married for 51 years. The other day, my hairdresser (in her 20s) asked me about my sex life with my husband! I feel this is a private matter and none of her business, but I didn't want to sound rude. Can you think of a snappy answer to such a personal question? -- STILL IN LOVE WITH MY HUSBAND
DEAR STILL IN LOVE: Your hairdresser appears to have been sniffing too much hairspray, which has addled her judgment. The response to her impertinent question should have been to say with a smile, "Honey, you'll just have to wait until you're our age and find out for yourself."
DEAR ABBY: I am a happily single 22-year-old male. My boss, who is happily married, is extremely enthusiastic about finding me a woman. He is aware that I am OK with being single, but he feels it is his duty to find me a girlfriend.
At first, it was only slightly irritating. However, this matchmaker game has gotten out of hand. It has escalated into him printing up fliers with my photo on them, inviting women to sign up for a date with me. What should I do about this? -- CONTENT BACHELOR IN MISSOURI
DEAR CONTENT BACHELOR: Take the bull by the horns and do what you should have done in the beginning. Tell your boss firmly that you are happy as a single person, that when you decide to settle down you won't need anyone's help, and you want the matchmaking stopped. To say that what your boss has done is inappropriate is an understatement. And if it doesn't stop, it is unwelcome conduct of a sexual nature -- and could qualify as harassment.
DEAR ABBY: "Louise" and I have been married three years. We met in another state and I relocated to take a job. I proposed to Louise after the move, and she accepted knowing this would be where we live.
Every summer my life becomes hell. Louise gets angry about the smallest things and picks fights frequently. This is in advance of all the grandkids' birthdays that occur in August. As the summer winds down, angry turns to weepy and sullen. She mentions "moving back for good," "I hate it here," "Quit your job and take less money."
Abby, I have a great job, and have told Louise to fly home as often as she wants. This scenario repeats each summer and increases in intensity. I know I'm going to wake up one day and not have a wife, because it seems her only solution is to move back.
I didn't like anything about the state we came from and was glad to leave. I moved there for my first wife and lost out on 14 years of things I loved to do. I'm bitter about it to this day. I'm happier here. I have no answer to this problem that is acceptable to Louise. Please help. -- MY WIFE OR MY LIFE IN TEXAS
DEAR WIFE/LIFE: If ever I heard of a couple who needed mediation services, it's you and Louise. Whether the answer to your problems is divorce, or Louise living part of the year near her grandchildren, is something only the two of you can negotiate -- if it's even economically feasible. If you love each other enough, you can work out a compromise, and that's what I'm hoping you can do in a caring way and without anger.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)