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by Abigail Van Buren

Widowed Mother's Demands Push Daughter to the Limit

DEAR ABBY: My husband of one year (at the time) was considered by everyone to be the most caring, good husband. But he never wanted to have relations with me. After several months of investigation, I learned he had been seeing prostitutes. He even admitted to me that when he did have sex with me he was thinking of them. Fast-forward: I forgave him; we went to counseling.

Abby, he still never wants to have sex with me! When we do, it's because I initiate it. My self-confidence is shot. He says he "doesn't have a sex drive," so I can either accept him for all the positives -- of which there are many -- and not have a sex life, or not.

I have considered fulfilling my needs outside the marriage, and giving him the green light to do the same, but he's against it. I'm at a loss as to what to do. Should I just settle and be happy with what I have? -- WANTING MORE IN THE SOUTH

DEAR WANTING MORE: You are obviously not happy with "what you have." And a man who engages the services of a prostitute does have a sex drive. You both need to be completely truthful with each other. Once you have reached that point, you will know what to do, and you won't have to ask me to make the decision for you.