DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend says all his friends think I am "stuck up." He told me (loudly) that I come across as rude because I'm not outgoing enough. More than once, people have asked him what my deal is.
I am quiet and reserved when I'm around new people, but once I'm comfortable, I do open up. I know I can sometimes come across as being unfriendly, but the way he presented it to me left me crushed. Shyness can be misperceived, and I try to be nice to everyone. I'm loyal to a fault and the first to offer help to friends, family and especially my boyfriend.
While he had a valid point in what he said, I am now questioning the effect his approach has had on our relationship. Am I justified in feeling so hurt, or should I just suck it up? -- PICKED APART IN UTAH
DEAR PICKED APART: Sometimes it's not what someone says, but the way it is said that is hurtful. Because your boyfriend's tone was loud and angry, it's understandable that you felt attacked. If it happened in public rather than in private, he was tactless. But if you're going to have a relationship with him, his friends will have to be a part of it. And rather than scolding you, he should have explained to them that you need time to get to know them.