DEAR READERS: It's time for my "timely" reminder that daylight saving time ends at 2 a.m. Sunday -- so don't forget to turn your clocks back one hour before going to bed. (That's what I'll be doing.)
SERIOUS STUDENT SEEKS TIME OUT FROM FRIENDS' CHITCHAT
DEAR ABBY: I'm a junior in high school and taking multiple AP classes. With all the homework we're assigned, I sometimes need to use lunchtime to finish assignments. My problem is my friends follow me into the school library and talk to me while I'm working. Their constant chatter is distracting and prevents me from concentrating on my assignments.
I don't neglect my friends. I spend hours outside of school with them every week. But I'd rather be left alone when I'm trying to work. My friends don't understand that I'm more focused on academics and long-term goals than my short-term social life.
How can I politely get them to leave me alone when I'm working? -- FOCUSED ON MY GOALS IN LOS ANGELES
DEAR FOCUSED ON YOUR GOALS: If you haven't told your friends plainly how you feel and clearly drawn a line, you shouldn't blame them for being clueless when they cross it. Tell them you need to concentrate when you're in the library and that they are creating a problem for you. Not only will you be helping yourself, you'll be doing a favor for other students who are trying to study and who are also being distracted.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 34-year-old woman, and still single. Many people like me enjoy their lives, but I don't. I long to be married and to have a family. But because of my failures in the dating world I'm not optimistic about my chances.
The thought of marriage and family late in life frightens me, and I don't want to raise a child as a single parent. So, at my age, is it likely I may never be married?
I would appreciate it if your readers could share how they were able to change circumstances like mine. -- SINGLE STILL IN LITTLE ROCK
DEAR SINGLE STILL: Please do not resign yourself to singlehood quite yet. People are settling down and marrying later today for many reasons. Because you mentioned that the thought of marriage and family "later in life" frightens you, my inclination is to suggest that you discuss it with a psychologist or other licensed professional to see whether your fear may have been instrumental in causing your relationships to fail.
However, because you requested reader input regarding late marriage, I'm sure we'll hear from them, generously sharing their experiences. I know several couples who married later in life, and they are compatible and happy. Readers, what do you have to say?
DEAR ABBY: I was recently promoted to a new position at work, doing something I have always wanted to do. My supervisor and I are very different -- almost polar opposites, in fact. But we get along great and work well together.
Because we have started working more closely, she is now beginning to consider me her friend, asking me to "hang out" and occasionally offering me recreational drugs. I love working with her, but I don't want to hang out with her outside of work because of our differences. If something were to go wrong outside the office, it would affect our work relationship. How do I keep things strictly professional without offending her? -- WARY ASSISTANT IN ARIZONA
DEAR WARY ASSISTANT: By telling her (with a smile) that your time to socialize is extremely limited and, as much as you enjoy working with her, you prefer to keep your work relationships strictly professional. And should the woman offer you a controlled substance, simply say, "No thank you."
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WORKING SMOKE ALARM IS BEST DEFENSE AGAINST FIRE FATALITIES
DEAR ABBY: Approximately every three hours, a home fire death occurs somewhere in the U.S. These fatalities occur because there wasn't a functioning smoke detector in the house.
According to the National Fire Protection Association, 96 percent of American homes have at least one smoke alarm. However, an estimated 19 percent of them do not work, primarily because of missing or dead batteries.
Please join me this year in urging your readers when they set their clocks back to standard time this Sunday to use the extra hour they gain to change and test the batteries in their smoke alarms and carbon monoxide detectors. It only takes a moment, and they offer the best defense a family has against the devastating effects of a home fire.
No one should be hurt or potentially lose a life for want of a working smoke alarm, yet death strikes nearly 3,000 people every year in home fires. A working smoke alarm will provide individuals and families precious extra seconds to get out safely.
Thank you for printing this, Abby. Together, we can make a difference and, hopefully, save a life. -- JACK PAROW, PRESIDENT, INTERNATIONAL ASSOCIATION OF FIRE CHIEFS
DEAR MR. PAROW: I hope my readers will take to heart your suggestion. This is a ritual I perform when I set my clocks back every year. And readers, please be aware that smoke alarms should be replaced every 10 years and there should be a mix of both ionization and photoelectric smoke alarms in your home so that you and your loved ones will be alerted to all types of home fires. This was news to me, and I hope you will mention it to your friends and loved ones!
DEAR ABBY: I have been unhappy for more than a year. People tell me my teens should be a happy time in my life, but they aren't. I have a pretty good life with no major problems. But because it's not perfect, I tend to take little things and agonize over them. My emotions are affecting my relationships with other people, my self-esteem and, most of all, my mind.
After doing some research and a lot of thinking, I know I need to see a therapist, but my problem is my parents. At first, I was terrified to tell them. But I finally told my mom. I'm still afraid to tell my dad.
My mother refuses to deal with it. When I ask her to find a therapist, she either won't talk about it, hoping I will forget about it, or she makes an excuse or makes it sound like I don't need one.
Abby, I'm only 15; I have no power. How can I get my parents to understand that I need a therapist and they should help me get some help? -- ALWAYS SAD IN ST. PETERSBURG, FLA.
DEAR ALWAYS SAD: You appear to be a bright young lady who is very much in touch with your emotions. When someone is consistently depressed for more than a few weeks, it's a sign that professional help may be needed. There may be many reasons for your mother's reluctance to accept this -- from concern about the cost to fear that seeing a therapist might cause you to be labeled as having emotional problems.
However, because your sadness is persistent, the person who should decide if you need therapy (or medication) should be a licensed mental health professional. Because you can't get your mother to take you seriously, discuss what has been going on with a counselor at school.
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DEAR ABBY: I am writing about the letter you printed from "Haven't a Clue in New York" (Sept. 10), whose friend "Pam" stopped speaking to her with no explanation. A member of my family, "Trish," did that to my husband and me three years ago. We tried to find out what we had done, but Trish's husband -- my husband's brother -- kept making excuses and insisting everything was fine.
Trish had told me previously that she had cut people out of her life, so I guess this is just something that she does. Regardless, it hurts.
She and her husband were very kind and helpful to us when we moved to this area. I valued her friendship and had great respect for her. Even now I feel more pain and sadness for the loss of Trish in our lives than anger toward her.
"Haven't a Clue" must try not to take it personally. What happened is probably more about Pam than it is about her. -- DUMPED IN DIXIE
DEAR DUMPED: I agree and thank you for your comments. I received many thoughtful replies from readers who, like you, have "been there." Read on:
DEAR ABBY: If "Haven't a Clue" just lets things lie, further damage might be done to their friendship that could be avoided. She should send her friend a letter explaining that she has no idea what might have happened to cause the rift, that the relationship is important to her and she hopes Pam will tell her what happened so she'll have the opportunity to resolve the issue.
Letting things stay as they are and not contacting Pam could cause her to stew angrily on the issue until the friendship is damaged beyond repair. Better to reach out to her friend now to see if the situation can be improved, than to hope the storm blows over on its own. -- REBECCA IN NORTH CAROLINA
DEAR ABBY: In her letter, "Haven't" said her neighbors suspected an infidelity issue was at the heart of the rift. In my case, my friend's husband had made a pass at me -- which I rejected. Shortly after, she stopped speaking to me. When mutual friends intervened, she would change the subject.
I continued to send birthday and holiday cards (with no response) and moved several states away. After a few years, I called. When I asked what the problem was and what could we do to resolve it, I was told, "I can't deal with your drama!" and she hung up.
Abby, I had seen her through two marriages, a divorce, her father's death and many other stressful life experiences. I finally realized, as you have advised many times in your column, I'm better off without her. -- MOVED ON IN NASHVILLE
DEAR ABBY: Years ago, my roommate and I were close and shared everything. When I returned for a visit after graduation, she refused to see me. I was crushed. I agonized for months over anything I might have said to offend her, and wrote her repeatedly. I received no response.
Years later, I tracked her down, told her how much her friendship had meant to me, and apologized again for whatever I had done that drove her away. She told me she had discovered she's bipolar. She had struggled with it and hoped that by cutting off all contacts and starting over, she'd gain some kind of balance and control in her life. She said I had never done anything wrong and that she cherished our years of friendship.
I still think of her and wish she had allowed me to help. However, I have to be satisfied that it wasn't my fault, wish her well, and smile when remembering our good times. -- KNOWS ALL TOO WELL