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by Abigail Van Buren

Man Seeks Words of Comfort for Sister Unlucky in Love

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 33-year-old male who has finally found the love of my life. My girlfriend and I have been together for three years. Needless to say, an engagement is right around the corner.

I have a sister who has struggled her entire life dating the wrong men. She's beautiful inside and out. She called me last night crying, asking me why men always cheat on her.

Most people would assume that the use of the word "always" is an exaggeration. I would have to say that 90 percent of her boyfriends, have indeed, cheated on her one way or another -- whether it was in high school, or when she dated a race car driver or, more recently, an acquaintance of mine.

What can I say to reassure her that there are some good guys left in this world who won't cheat? -- LOOKING FOR ANSWERS FOR SIS

DEAR LOOKING FOR ANSWERS: Tell your sister that there are men with character who take relationships seriously. They may not be as glamorous as a race car driver, or flashy or glib, but they have more important qualities to offer. Point out that when one man after another is unfaithful, it can damage a woman's self-esteem. And when that happens it can make her insecure and willing to suspend her better judgment out of fear that she'll be alone.

Explain that women with high self-esteem receive more respect because they won't settle for less, and that they don't jump into relationships -- they wait for a man to prove himself. Men value more highly what they have to work for. Perhaps that will help to set her straight.