DEAR ABBY: A friend of mine, "Barbie," volunteered to be the maid of honor in my wedding. She didn't attend any of the dress fittings because she doesn't have a car. She volunteered to throw a bridal shower despite having no money, and asked my fiance to contribute. After he told Barbie he was "tapped out" (because of the wedding bills), she suggested he return some of the gifts he had bought me!
Two days before the shower, I learned she had selected a dress more suited to a stripper pole than a church wedding ceremony. At that point, my fiance decided to remove her from the bridal party.
Barbie feels slighted and doesn't understand why we made the day about "us" and not her. She's genuinely hurt that we didn't "consider her financial position." (We didn't ask for her help in the first place.)
Would you please lend your vast wisdom and insight to this matter? -- DENIAL IS NOT A RIVER IN EGYPT
DEAR DENIAL: When Barbie volunteered to be your maid of honor, knowing her financial situation you should have politely told her no. Because you didn't, you should have made sure she understood the financial responsibilities that went with being in the wedding. And since she had no transportation, someone should have offered her a ride to the dress fitting, which would have enabled you to see her dress selection.
That said, your friend was pushy to ask to be in the wedding in the first place, gutsy to expect your fiance to return your gifts to help her pay for the shower and clueless about wedding etiquette. Make a pact to forgive her if she'll forgive you, and all of you should go on with your lives. I predict it will be in opposite directions.