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by Abigail Van Buren

DEAR ABBY: My husband constantly leers at women. He bases many of his choices on the "best views" available for girl watching: his seat in a restaurant, where he parks to pick up the kids from high school, seats at sporting events that are close to the cheerleaders, even TV shows that feature cute blondes -- the scantier clad the better.

The most upsetting incident happened when we were saying goodbye to our daughter whom we had taken to college. With tears in my eyes, I turned to my husband for comfort. Abby, instead of offering any, his eyes were glued on the rear end of a cute co-ed as she crossed the lobby.

I have begged, pleaded and explained repeatedly to my husband that his behavior is humiliating, degrading to all involved and just plain disgusting. He either denies he's doing it, becomes defensive, says I need help or tells me I'm "overreacting" -- that ALL men do it.

I have had enough, but at my age starting over seems scary. AM I overreacting? -- YOO-HOO, I'M OVER HERE!

DEAR HERE!: If your husband was 20 years younger, his behavior would be classified as "boys will be boys." But he is no longer a boy, and the older he gets the more his behavior is beginning to resemble that of a creepy old man. Most men may look occasionally, but it appears your husband is obsessive. He owes you an apology for his lack of sensitivity regarding your feelings and should make an effort at behavior modification.

Staying in an unhappy marriage because the idea of starting over "seems scary" is the wrong reason. But before you throw in the towel, both of you should talk to a marriage counselor -- or an optometrist who can help your husband practice tunnel vision.

DEAR ABBY: My 18-year-old son, "Brandon," dated several girls in high school -- none seriously. But now that he's thinking about colleges, he has fallen head-over-heels for someone named "Michelle." I'm OK with that; my problem is Michelle's mother. It's like she's trying to get them married as soon as possible.

This woman manipulates situations so that her daughter and Brandon spend the majority of their time at her house. Every time we make plans to have Michelle over for dinner or a movie, there's either a reason she can't come, or her mother calls asking her to return home.

Michelle's mom constantly calls and texts my son. On Facebook she carries on about how much she misses him. Whenever Brandon makes a comment about his wonderful girlfriend, her mother chimes in with, "What about her wonderful mother?"

Brandon is being set up and manipulated, but becomes defensive if I try to point it out. We live in a small town, and I have had several unsolicited warnings of "watch out for the mother" whenever people find out who Brandon is dating. Would it be wrong to approach this woman? -- LEVEL-HEADED IN MONROE, N.C.

DEAR LEVEL-HEADED: It appears that Michelle's mother is living vicariously through her daughter and is trying to "help" her land your son. Although the woman's behavior is over-the-top, I doubt that confronting her would discourage her.

Before this goes any further, Brandon needs to understand that Michelle's mother is a textbook example of a problem mother-in-law. If your son has a father, uncle or grandfather in the picture, he may be more receptive to a man-to-man talk about what's going on than he is to a warning from his mother.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)