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Irate Commuters Get an Earful From Loud Cell Phone Users
DEAR ABBY: Your answer to "Minneapolis Commuter" (June 8), who was sick of overhearing personal cell phone conversations, missed the mark. I ride public transit to and from Sacramento every day, and most of the time the passengers -- like me -- just want a quiet ride to work and back. Sometimes a rude, obnoxious and very loud person will get on and make life miserable for the rest of us.
Moving to another seat is not an option because their voices carry throughout the entire bus. Often these conversations are laced with profanity, and it becomes an endurance test to remain polite.
I no longer feel that being polite is the best solution with such people. They need to be reminded about common courtesy and respect for their neighbors. There have been days when the bus driver actually stopped the bus and ordered such passengers off. I dare say, you have not been on public transit in a while, or you would not have dismissed the complaint so quickly. -- SACRAMENTO COMMUTER
DEAR COMMUTER: You are right. I haven't used public transit for some time, however, several of my staff use it daily and tell me, as you have, that phone users can be rude and obnoxious.
Contacting your local public transit carrier and complaining seems to be the best way to handle the situation. If they receive enough complaints -- and I'm sure they will -- they may initiate policies to stop such rude behavior. And if all else fails: earplugs! Read on:
DEAR ABBY: "Commuter" is far from alone. I am a transit bus driver. Cell phones are an irritation to drivers and passengers alike on our service. To address this issue, our company initiated a cell phone policy that is printed in our transit guide. If using a cell phone on a bus, do not disturb the driver or fellow passengers, or you may be asked to stop using your cell phone. Keep it short, keep it down, keep it quiet, keep it off!
Since this policy has been in effect (it's not perfect), things have improved. I would encourage anyone who uses public transportation to ask their service to put a cell phone policy in place and enforce it. -- BUS DRIVER
DEAR ABBY: Commuters on buses or trains should realize that it is not the library, and they should not expect the ride to be quiet. The writer of that letter should get a set of earplugs or, better yet, an MP3 player with headphones and listen to a recorded self-improvement book, or perhaps, something about improving tolerance.
People talking on their cell phones are making productive use of their commute time, and it might be the only time they have to chat with friends and family. Commuters should make better use of their time than just sitting there and stewing. -- COMMUTER CELL PHONE USER
DEAR ABBY: The reality is that the bus or train is often packed and there is no seat to move to, so we are forced to sit and listen to incredibly personal conversations or insane babbling because the person can't sit still and use the travel time to relax.
I've heard it all -- the woman announcing her new address and phone number, the guy talking about how he's going to lie to the judge during his divorce hearing, the gory details of someone's recent surgery. It's enough to make you gag. I finally got headphones. -- DENVER COMMUTER
DEAR ABBY: I, too, found the conversations on the bus to be quite colorful! I now wear earphones and spend my time listening to music and reading. The convenience of a relaxing ride to work far outweighs the annoyances. I find the bumpy ride is a great abdominal workout, too. -- CALM-UTING IN ABQ
MAN PUTTING AFFAIRS IN ORDER WRITES TO AN OLD SWEETHEART
DEAR ABBY: A few weeks ago I had surgery, and they found cancer. I have put my affairs in order to ease the burden on my children.
I have written my will, made a list of those to be notified after my death, wrote my obituary and requested in which newspaper I would like it printed. I have also listed all my assets and where they are.
I have only one question: After my death I would like a former high school girlfriend notified, and I have written a letter to be given to her. She has been married to the same man for 40 years, and we have not been in contact.
I always had special feelings for her and would like to tell her so and thank her for the great times we had together. I would not want to create problems in her marriage, but would like to send her a letter of thanks and appreciation.
What do you think? Should I leave well enough alone, or let her know what a special person she was in my life? -- FINAL REQUEST IN SOUTH MILWAUKEE
DEAR FINAL REQUEST: I am sorry about your sad prognosis. I doubt that having the letter sent after your death would "cause problems" in that lady's marriage. And frankly, I'm sure it would be a gift to her that would make her smile for the rest of her life. You have my blessings to send it.
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I are having a disagreement about flirting with other people. He thinks it's OK to "harmlessly flirt" as long as the person knows you are in a committed relationship. I think that flirting could lead to a misunderstanding that may cause problems in the relationship.
I trust my boyfriend, but I don't trust other women and never have. I asked him to stop doing it, and he has assured me it won't happen again.
Now I'm wondering if I overreacted. Do you think flirting is harmless, or do you see it as a potential problem for the relationship? -- LAURA IN ALABAMA
DEAR LAURA: It's a potential problem for the relationship if one of the parties is insecure and regards it as a threat. It's also a potential problem if the flirting persists in spite of the fact that your boyfriend knows it makes you insecure. Regardless of whether this romance leads to marriage, however, you really should try to understand why you have such negative feelings about other women because those feelings aren't healthy, and may not be justified.
DEAR ABBY: I loaned a treasured book to my close friend "Serena." When her younger sister moved out of state four months later, Serena told me the book had been accidentally packed up with the girl's things. She promised to buy me a new copy, but didn't.
It has now been three years, and my $20 book still has not been replaced. One day I noticed it on Serena's bookshelf. I don't want to demand she give it back for fear of seeming petty, but I really loved the book and want it back. How do I handle this? -- SERIOUS READER IN KANSAS
DEAR SERIOUS READER: The next time you are at Serena's, walk over to her bookshelf and exclaim, "Serena! I guess you were mistaken about my book being sent to your sister's because here it is!" Then take it off the shelf and take it with you. And in the future, write your name on the inside cover of your books before lending them to anyone.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
ACCESS TO DAUGHTERS IS DENIED AS PUNISHMENT FOR GRANDPARENTS
DEAR ABBY: Our oldest son, "Jim," has a history of turning his back on people once he has used them, which has left us in financial ruin. Our most recent bailout went to our younger son, who went into business with Jim. To make a long story short, Jim was greedy and impatient and plundered the company funds, which left the business destroyed.
Jim and his wife have now disowned us and are holding our two granddaughters "hostage" as punishment because we told them what he did was wrong. My husband, who adopted both of my sons, is devastated because Jim has now contacted his biological father and no longer acknowledges the only father he has known.
I have been labeled the "horrible" woman who "hurt her son deeply" and whose granddaughters will be told "the truth" when they're old enough to decide if they want a relationship with me.
We are heartsick. How do we handle this, and what do we do regarding our granddaughters and our relationship with them? -- SAD DAY IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR SAD DAY: Handle it by reminding yourselves that you did the best job you could in raising both your sons, and that despite a parent's best efforts, not all children turn out the way their parents hope they will. Keep the lines of communication open for your granddaughters by sending them cards and/or gifts on special occasions to let them know you love and think about them.
You also go on with your lives and devote yourselves to each other and to the son who returns your affection, because to do anything else is a waste of time. What you DON'T do is continue dwelling on your heartache and disappointment and allow yourselves to be dragged down.
P.S. Do not write Jim and his wife off just yet, because bad pennies usually turn up.
DEAR ABBY: I work in the emergency department of a hospital. Based on our daily observations, my co-workers and I compiled a short list of commonsense guidelines to help the public understand how an emergency department really works.
1. An "emergency" is defined as a life-threatening injury or illness. The average wait in an ER waiting room is 4 1/2 hours. After checking in, you will be seen by a triage nurse to determine the seriousness of your illness or injury. Patients who are considered "critical" will be treated first.
2. Please do not come to the ER with your entire family unless they, too, are sick or injured. People with communicable diseases may be sitting in the lobby, so you could be putting your loved ones at risk.
3. Once inside the examination room, the patient's blood will be taken and tests may be done. Getting test results can take time, especially if the ER is busy -- and no, you cannot eat or drink until those test results are back.
4. The ER discharges patients 24 hours a day, so plan accordingly. The hospital is not responsible for paying for your ride home, and you cannot stay in the exam room waiting for a ride to come for you. We must use the room for the next patient.
5. Above all, remember that our staff is here to help you feel better, not to inconvenience you. You are the patient -- so please be patient. -- ER NURSE IN FLORIDA
DEAR ER NURSE: Your comments are certainly worth space in my column. With so many people out of work and uninsured, I am sure that hospital emergency departments have been swamped with more people seeking help than ever. They need to know what to expect, and your guidelines are helpful. Thank you for sharing them.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)