Join the debate. Vote Now on the Dear Abby Poll of the week.

by Abigail Van Buren

Woman Discovers the Truth in Man's Texts to Ex Wife

DEAR ABBY: "Ralph" and I have been married two years. Two nights ago we had an argument, and he got mad and left. He was gone three hours. When he returned he screamed at me for what seemed like an hour. Finally, he went to bed.

I looked through his phone and found several text messages to his ex-wife. One said he still loves her. So I went through his e-mail and found more correspondence. When I woke Ralph up and confronted him, the first thing out of his mouth was her name.

They have an 18-year-old daughter and have been divorced for 13 years. To top it off, she's married and pregnant.

Ralph swears he doesn't know why he was texting her, that he doesn't love her and that the e-mails were about a job.

Abby, I thought we had a happy marriage. I'm crushed, and my whole world is falling apart. My husband obviously has feelings for his first wife (I'm No. 3) and is thinking about her. He swears over and over that I'm the love of his life, and he will spend the rest of his life proving it to me. Is it time to throw in the towel? -- HEARTBROKEN IN MONTANA

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: If you hadn't already smelled a rat, you wouldn't have checked his cell phone history and computer. The text messages you discovered are explicit proof that your husband isn't being honest with you.

For many wives this would be the time to cut their losses. But if you love him and are willing to risk giving him one more chance, the two of you need to consult a licensed marriage and family therapist. You have little to lose by giving it a try, and it's possible that your husband really is contrite -- but keep your eyes wide open.