DEAR ABBY: "Jack" and I have been married 15 years. We have a 10-year-old son, "Cody," who has special needs. Since we first began exploring a diagnosis for our son, I have encouraged Jack to educate himself on the condition. At one point, Jack told me he wasn't interested.
He seldom accompanies us to therapy, although he has taken Cody when I have been sick. We recently had a medical emergency because Jack didn't know what medication Cody was supposed to take. I keep the information written on a list close to the supply cabinet, but he ignored it.
I have long been frustrated by Jack's lack of interest in our son's care. He accepts no responsibility when it comes to discipline, therapy or even personal care tasks.
I will soon be starting a new career, and I'm afraid about Cody's care in my absence. If I broach the subject with Jack, he says I don't give him credit for what he does do. (That's his usual response for anything I try to discuss with him.) We have tried family counseling, which helped only temporarily. Should we go back? I am really at a loss. -- DESPAIRING IN OHIO
DEAR DESPAIRING: Your husband does not appear to have fully accepted that his son is different from other children. That would explain his lack of desire to learn about Cody's condition and his refusal to help with discipline, therapy, personal care or medications. You have my sympathy because you not only have your son to deal with, you have also had to compensate for your husband's retreat into denial.
A return to family counseling might be helpful. However, because you have reason to question the quality of care your son will receive in your absence, the funds might be better spent in finding responsible day care for your boy.