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by Abigail Van Buren

Man's Annual Birthday Wish Is for No More Chocolate Cake

DEAR ABBY: What is the proper thing to do when one sits on a squeaky seat and the seat makes a noise like someone has passed gas? My first instinct is not to call attention to it. Then again, as they say, "Silence implies guilt." My second impulse is to make light of it, but I'm afraid in certain formal situations it would paint me as immature. Your advice? -- IT WASN'T ME IN WILMINGTON, DEL.

DEAR WASN'T ME: In formal situations, everyone should pretend it never happened and the conversation should proceed as it normally would. However, in casual company it is acceptable to say, "That was the seat, not the seat that is on it."