Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)
Girl Wants to Turn Empathy for the Disabled Into Action
DEAR ABBY: I am a 13-year-old girl, soon to graduate from elementary school. Please don't judge me by my age because I have an important question.
Recently, I picked up the newspaper, glanced at the front page and an article caught my eye. It was about a disabled man who had been kidnapped and taken to an apartment where he was beaten. It was one of the most disgusting things I have ever read.
Not long after that, I saw another article. This time it was about a mentally challenged man who was lured from his bus stop to a deserted street, then beaten and robbed. Knowing these things happen makes me sad, angry and turns my stomach.
I want to do something to help stop these acts of violence, but I don't know what. Joining a group or donating doesn't seem to be enough. I would like to help the disabled directly. Do you have any ideas? -- CARES DEEPLY IN ONTARIO, CANADA
DEAR CARES DEEPLY: You are a sensitive, right-minded young lady, and for that I commend you. I do have some ideas you might find interesting. You could:
1. Collect gently used children's clothing and donate the garments to a homeless shelter.
2. Volunteer some time each month to befriend a developmentally disabled child. The special education department at your school might be able to help you with this.
3. Collect signatures for a petition to increase the penalties for those who commit crimes against mentally ill and homeless people. Talk about your feelings at school and at your place of worship and see if friends would be interested in joining you in your efforts. Remember, one small spark can start a prairie fire.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 31-year-old man. I have been seeing a wonderful woman for about seven months, and it's starting to get serious. I need advice, though, on how much we should tell each other about our sexual histories.
Seven years ago, the end of a romantic relationship sent me into a deep depression. I spiraled downward for a long time, during which I engaged the services of prostitutes. Finally, with the help of my family and a therapist, I was able to take medication and recover from the depression. I was later tested for STDs and was lucky not to have contracted any.
I am not implying that I'm not responsible for what I did at the time. I'm ashamed of the situations in which I placed myself. Abby, should I tell my girlfriend about this at some point as our relationship progresses, possibly toward marriage? If so, how much detail should I give her? I don't want to start a life with her based on lies. -- WANTS TO MAKE PEACE WITH THE PAST IN WISCONSIN
DEAR WANTS TO MAKE PEACE: Let me ask you this -- how much detail do you want HER to give YOU? From my perspective, if you are considering marrying this woman, it is more important for her to know about your history of depression than that you turned to "professionals" for more than advice. You are STD-free and are no longer interested in pay-as-you-go flings.
If you are asked to name names -- which I doubt you will be -- tell the lady that there have been episodes in your life that you "are not proud of." If that's not enough information for her, then tell her the truth and let her deal with it.
DEAR ABBY: A few weeks ago, my family and I went to one of our favorite restaurants for lunch. Afterward, I glanced at the check, gave my credit card to the server, signed the receipt and left.
That night I looked at the receipt before filing it away and noticed that the first item listed was for a beer that we hadn't ordered. It was not my check! My daughter suggested that I look at my credit card, and the card wasn't mine, either.
I immediately phoned the credit card company and was told my card had been used for 10 other purchases. They canceled it immediately and said a new card was on the way. In the meantime, my daughter phoned every hotel in the area and eventually located the person who had my card. He was dumbfounded when he looked at the card in his possession and realized it wasn't his.
Please remind your readers that they need to keep an eye on their credit cards and advise employers to do a better job of training their employees. I failed to look at my card in the restaurant when it was returned to me. Not one vendor from whom a purchase was made examined the name on the card and the signature. I admit I made an error, but it was compounded by a multitude of individuals along the way. -- ALFRED ON MAUI
DEAR ALFRED: Thank you for the reminder about how important it is to take a moment to check to ensure that the credit card you are handed back is your own. It is also wise to carefully review the restaurant tab when it arrives because mistakes can happen -- as I have learned from personal experience.
One day, my husband and I were having a light brunch at a neighborhood restaurant. When our bill came -- it was for $22.30 -- my husband looked at it as he always does. When the credit card receipt was handed to him for his signature, he looked at it, exclaimed, "This is the most expensive brunch we've ever had!" and passed it to me. We had been charged $2,230. When he showed the receipt to the owner, the man immediately went to the cashier -- who informed him that a key had "stuck" when she tried to push it.
Many establishments encourage their servers to address customers by name when they bring a check to the table. Not only is it friendlier, it can also avert a mix-up. However, a restaurant should not be blamed entirely for a screw-up like this one because the ultimate responsibility lies with the person being handed the credit card. Because many of them look alike, the better part of wisdom is to check to ensure it is your own before putting it away.
DEAR ABBY: I have been invited to a bridal shower for my future sister-in-law and her sister. They are both being married, and a "joint shower" is being held for them. I have never met my future sister-in-law's sister. Should I buy a gift for her, even though I don't know her? -- SHOWER FOR TWO
DEAR SHOWER FOR TWO: To buy your future sister-in-law's sister a token gift would be a warm and generous way to acknowledge that she is becoming a member of your extended family. Are you obligated to do it? No. Should you do it anyway? Mm-hmm. Trust me.
Man's Busboy Routine Annoys and Embarrasses His Girlfriend
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Seth," and I are in our mid-20s and have been dating for seven years. We have a solid relationship, but I need your thoughts on something: He insists on cleaning up after everyone right under their noses.
We were recently invited to watch a basketball game at a friend's home. Appetizers were provided over the course of several hours. People kept losing their cups and plates because Seth "thought they were done" and threw the items away.
Abby, he was doing this in a house he had never visited before with people he had never met! He also does it with family instead of sitting and relaxing after the meal and enjoying the conversation. When we eat at a restaurant, Seth will pile up our plates and silverware as soon as he thinks I'm done "to make it easier for the server to clean up."
Clearing the table was not a chore my boyfriend was assigned as a child, nor is he overly concerned with neatness in other areas of his life. He's not shy around people, so he isn't keeping busy to avoid conversation.
He says he is being polite. I say he could volunteer to help tidy up at the end of a party, but he shouldn't touch other people's eating utensils in the middle of an event. What do you think? -- DATING MR. CLEAN IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR DATING MR. CLEAN: It appears you are dating a frustrated busboy. I don't know where your boyfriend got the idea that picking up other people's dinnerware without first asking if they are finished is polite -- because it isn't. In fact, it's rude.
I am also not as convinced as you are that your boyfriend is comfortable making conversation because he appears to be fixated on making "busy work" on social occasions -- which could be an indication that he feels socially awkward.
DEAR ABBY: I am a hardworking CPA, recovering from another busy tax season. Along with my colleagues, I become a little crazed during that frantic time of year. May I share some tips with your readers so next year their appointments will go more smoothly?
1. Feel free to answer your cell phone during our appointment. I have nothing else to do, so please don't be concerned that you're taking up extra time.
2. Do bring your small children along. Yes, they may be bored, but I love entertaining them instead of giving you my full attention.
3. By all means drop by without an appointment to ask a question. So what if I'm talking to another client! I don't mind dropping what I'm doing to talk to you because, again, I'm not busy.
4. There is no need to expect to pay for our services when you pick up your tax return. After all, it's not like buying a gallon of milk. And be assured I don't mind putting your return ahead of all the others because you need your refund to go to the Caribbean. Of course you are more important than the conscientious clients who got their information here ahead of you.
5. The remaining 95 percent of my clients are a joy to work with, so don't forget what put you in that 5 percent. -- RECUPERATING IN ALABAMA
DEAR RECUPERATING: Your frustration is understandable, particularly since tax season has just ended, and I love your dry sense of humor. But any CPA who posted your "tips" would probably wind up working for tips.